Chapter 4 - Feelings

I had barely gotten my foot through the door at my grandparents’ before I heard running and screaming.

“Mommy!” Lilly shrieked

“Miss me?”

“Mhmm” she said with a smile while running to give me a hug.

“Aw, I missed you too baby.” I picked her up and hugged her back tightly; she had no idea how much. It was too weird being away from her for so long like that.

Grams appeared out of the kitchen and stood in front of us. “Glad you made it home safe.” Her tone sounded like it was half angry and half relieved. I guess that is a normal reaction though, just surprised me a little.

“Yep, just as I said. I really was lucky to meet that guy who helped me since I’m so clueless with cars, even more clueless on directions.” I rolled my eyes and laughed. 

“Just don’t do that again anytime soon and if you plan on going for a drive again next time please take your phone. That is why you have it.” she said while laughing a little and walked back into the kitchen.

I was still holding onto Lilly when she let out a big yawn. I glanced at the clock and it was 11pm. “Grams, what time did she wake up?” I asked turning to face her.

“She woke up and 7:30am but didn’t really sleep very well. I could hear her get up every little bit to see if by some chance she might have missed you sneak in. She finally fell to sleep at about 2am.” She answered, glancing at Lilly’s face then back to mine. “I’d say a couple hour nap would be nice.” She smiled again and went back into the kitchen. A nap did sound nice. Maybe id lay with her. Between last night and this morning, it felt like I haven’t slept in months.

“Do you want to take a nap Lilly?” she looked up at me and nodded. I smiled then carried her to our room. I was still surprised that my grandparents had given us their room, but it was nice. In a way it did make it feel more like home.

 

Lilly didn’t want to sleep in her bed so I let her lay with me. She fell right to sleep, faster than I thought she would. I had a harder time trying to sleep. I kept thinking about Daniel and everything that happened last night and this morning. The memories were all vivid and sharp, but I enjoyed them. Even though it was hard to deal with that feeling that something horrible was involved with Daniel, I couldn’t help but feel drawn to him in an unexplainable way. Part of me thinks that I’m crazy and it’s the danger that’s making me feel this way, but the other part thinks that it’s the way he tries to play off that he’s dangerous, but I can see in his eyes that he isn’t. He had his chance to hurt me, several times, last night and he didn’t. But I still can’t seem understand that feeling.

I tried to relax and close my eyes, but instead of falling asleep I thought about the ride home.  I thought about how I told him that I’d dreamt about him and knew that he was coming…

We just sat there in the unmoving car for what seemed like forever. I didn’t think telling him about my dream would make him react this way. He hadn’t moved and I don’t think he was even breathing. I cleared my throat, hoping I could say something, or at least break the awkward silence and he finally moved.

“You saw me?” he paused and took in a deep breath. “How? When? W-” he stopped and the confused expression on his face was like set in stone.

“Daniel calm down please.  I didn’t mean to upset you. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that. I really should learn to chose my words better and...” I trailed off mumbling mostly to myself. “And well I’m sorry.” I finally ended my ramblings and just stared out the window thinking about why he could be acting like this. The thought didn’t last long.

“Your sorry?” he asked. I glanced up at him slowly not knowing if I wanted to see his face, but it was now shock that took over the confused look.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I should have, at least not blurted it out like that.” I said looking back towards the window. He started laughing and the tone in his laughter surprised me. I didn’t see how he could now find humor out of this situation. “Why are you laughing at me?” I asked him sounding as angry as I could, but I was more embarrassed that he really did think I was crazy. He obviously heard the embarrassment over the anger, because he tried to stop his laughing. He struggled a bit.

“Rayanne, I’m sorry for laughing at you. It’s just, well...” he paused for a moment and cleared his throat. “It’s just, I told you that I’m a vampire, then and you tell me you saw me coming to you in a dream. Almost as if you can dream the future. ” He started laughing again, but a lot lighter than before. “Then you tell me you’re sorry. I thought I would have been doing the apologizing and instead you throw news like that at me, then you’re the one apologizing. Just caught me off guard is all, I wasn’t trying to be rude, honestly.”

I just sat there trying to take all that in. I couldn’t understand why or what made me feel that way so suddenly, but I started to feel tears building up in my eyes. I reached up to wipe them away, his hand got there before mine did. His hand touched my face softly and turned my face to his. He held my face for a second then his thumb whipped away the tears as they fell and I suddenly felt embarrassed.

“Why are you crying?” he asked with a sympathetic tone.  I tried to turn my head, but he wouldn’t let me. I sighed and looked up at him, preparing myself to answer him and for whatever reaction he might have for me next.

“Well, I j-just didn’t want you think I was crazy and you laughing just kind of confirmed it. I expected that kind of reaction, but still. I guess I wasn’t ready for it.” I struggled a little at first then my voice just slowly started to disappear.

“Crazy? Again, I’m a vampire. There isn’t much I really consider crazy anymore. But I guess you did handle hearing that better than I handled hearing your dream though, and I am sorry for that. You on the other hand, have no reason to be sorry or feel… crazy.” He looked down at me and smiled. “Please don’t cry. How often do you uh, dream things like that?” he tried not to look as curious as he sounded, but it didn’t work.

I cleared my throat while still looking out the window then looked down at my hands and forced the tears back while trying to speak. “Um, well… That was the only one that I know of, though there are some times I could swear I’ve seen things happen more than once, but I never really paid attention. It’s just seeing you well, that’s not something you easily forget.” I looked up at him and looked straight into his eyes and forgot exactly what I was trying to say.

He laughed a little. ”Hmm, that is a little odd, but not crazy. Maybe you should pay a little bit more attention to your dreams then, it may surprise you.” He smiled again, taking his hand off of my face. He then reached for a small clump of hair that had fallen into my face, and tucked in behind my ear. “So that was why you freaked out last night, because a dream of yours had actually happened and you remembered it?”

“Yes and no.” I was hoping to avoid answering; I don’t think I really was even sure I knew why I’d freaked out.

“Care to elaborate?” he asked.

I was beginning to think he was determined to make this hard on me. I sighed then answered him. “Um, ok… Well, I think I freaked out because the realization of it all just hit me so hard and it didn’t settle right with how I was feeling. It was just kind of a shock to have it confirmed, that I had in fact dreamt something that was going to happen, not a possibility, but something that, no matter how I went about things, I think I was going to met you. That was maybe why the area surrounding us was unclear, because the place we were going to meet wasn’t thought of yet. Anyways, I’ve never just passed out like that before, but I think it was just so many questions, thoughts, and feelings flowing at once, it just became too much at that one moment for me to handle.” It made sense, too me anyways. He just looked kind of confused. I looked back down at my hands.

He put both hand on the steering wheel and gripped it tightly for a few moments. Now I wasn’t sure if he was mad or confused. I didn’t want to look at him, but I did. It confused me when he then took his hands off the wheel while sighing and looked straight into my eyes again. “How exactly were you feeling?”  He asked breaking the silence.

Another question I wanted to avoid, but I answered the best I could. “Weird. It’s hard to explain.” I paused for a minute, not wanting to go into full detail, but I knew he would drag it out of me, so I continued. How much more crazy would he think I was? “It’s this feeling I get when I know, somehow, that something isn’t right. I call it the ‘not right’ feeling. I got it during that dream and again the next day while driving into town. Even then I didn’t think much about the dream.  I never took them seriously, maybe because I didn’t want too.  Also, that night I met you, before you had even showed up, I knew something wasn’t uh, right. I got that feeling a few seconds after my car had not started. I thought that was why until I felt like I was being watched.”I laughed a little at that part. “It was just all too weird. And when I was remembering that dream suddenly when the lightning hit and flashed across your face, that feeling got even stronger, more intense than ever, when I had realized that you were from my dream. That I had dreamt about you exactly one night before.” I felt a huge weight being lifted off me for finally being able to tell someone that, but the feeling didn’t last long when his expression shifted. I don’t even know what kind of look that was. “Yeah, I know I’m crazy.” I didn’t even think about saying it, though I knew it was true.

His expression changed once again to an understanding look and I was confused once again. “You’re not crazy Rayanne; it’s a natural thing to sense danger. It’s something that we vampires have to warn people that were dangerous. It’s like a vibe we can push off on others. Most people run away from it, not pass out and make themselves extremely easy targets.” He laughed while shaking his head. “But seriously Rayanne, after all this I still don’t think you’re crazy. You’re different, and there’s nothing wrong with that, not at all. Maybe it’s a gift you have. Some weird sixth sense thing.” He laughed again while grabbing my hand and looking even harder into my eyes than before.

I jerked my hand away from his a little. His expression turned worried as he started to let go of my hand, but I held on to his hand tightly. “Just shocked my hand a little.” I said and he relaxed again. “Maybe it’s a gift, who knows. So far it’s just kind of a pain. I feel that ‘not right’ feeling with you, but obviously there’s nothing to be worried about. If you wanted to hurt me you’ve had plenty of chances and so far I’m perfectly fine.” I said with a smile. I wished I hadn’t of said that. I didn’t want him to know that I still felt that way with him; he may not want me to see him anymore.

He squeezed my hand a little tighter with a sigh, but careful enough not to hurt me, then let go. ”It’s getting later in the afternoon, you need to get home.” He said while reaching for the key in the ignition and one hand on the steering wheel.

“Oh, right.” I said.  Guess I did blow it. I thought. “Will I see you again?” The words came out rushed almost panicked. I was sure he caught onto that.

“I don’t know Rayanne.” He said softly. He sounded like he wanted to, but my stupid feeling was stopping him. Damnit.  I thought.

“Why not? I barely know you, but I’m not ready to leave you. Not yet.” I said. I felt a little pathetic, but I’ve been honest do far, why stop now.

“Rayanne, it’s not… That’s another thing about us vampires. We make you feel danger, but at the same time we lure you in. Makes hunting a lot easier.” The way he said it was like it was supposed to be a warning, though I wasn’t buying it.

“No, it’s not like that.” I said quickly, not wanting him to really think that’s what it was.  Here goes more honesty.  “It’s that I have that feeling that your something dangerous and I should leave you…” his eyes tightened when I said that first part. “But, there’s another feeling that won’t let me leave you. Like I’m not supposed to leave you and that I can’t if I tried. I didn’t even try, I didn’t want to. It’s not like luring in prey Daniel; it’s something stronger than that. I just can’t figure out what it is, but one thing is I do feel more safe than I feel danger. But it just feels like I weird combination of the two. I’m even starting to think that the danger I feel maybe isn’t exactly from you, but I will get back to you on that. Once I’ve thought it through more.” I smiled after that last thing, hoping he would get the hint that I wasn’t giving in. I was going to see him again. “But yes, getting home right now would be best. I’ve been away from Lilly for too long.” My smile faded a little when I thought about how long we were sitting there. It was 10:30am; it didn’t really feel like we were stopped here for that long.

“Ok, we should be there soon.” he said while starting the car and driving down the long road.

We rode the rest of the way to my house in silence. It felt like forever was slipping by as each hill and each tree went by. I looked up at him a few times, but his expression was always the same, very calm. I was nervous and hadn’t even realized I was chewing on my finger nails.

I started recognizing where we were and realized I never told him where I lived, but he seemed to know where to go.

“You know where you’re going?” I asked.

“Kind of, just from what you’d said. A small town not very far from where you broke down.” He said without taking his eyes of his road, or changing his expression, except for a very slight smile. If I would have blinked I would have missed it.

“Oh, ok.” I guess I should have realized that. It wasn’t like Falls city was a big town, or that I had driven that far away.

“You’ll just need to tell me what street when we’re a little closer.” He said

“Ok.” I just realized, stupidly, that he was driving me in my car. How was he getting home? “By the way, how are you getting home?” I felt stupid for just now asking this.

He just laughed at me. Guess I should be getting used to that. I thought. “I have other ways of getting around. It’s much more enjoyable than driving a car.” He said smiling while still laughing a little.

“Oh.” Was all I could get manage to say. I didn’t want to ask any more questions.

“Vampires can run at very high speeds.” He added with a now smug smile.

“Ah, got it.” I stared out the window, thinking about what he considered ‘high speeds’

“Maybe I’ll show you one of these days.” he was still smiling when he said that, so I took that as a good think.

“Ok” I said and then I smiled. One of these days. I thought.  Maybe he’d rethought about seeing me again. I wasn’t going to ask and ruin that. I was going to hold onto that for as long as I could. I will see him again. I thought again.

A few more minutes had passed with no talking, I don’t know if that was better or worse than bringing up us seeing each other again, but I just let it go. I recognized more things now and noticed that we were back in town now. “I live on Parry St.” I told him.

“Hm, you really weren’t that far away from home.” He said and laughed again. “You were going the right way, but I see now that you turned when you didn’t need to and that screwed you up.” He laughed a little harder.

That must have been what he thought about the whole way to keep himself distracted. “Oh, lovely.” I said about both.

“We’ll your new to the area. It’s an easy mistake.” He added. “If you would have just stayed on Valsetz Rd. you would have been fine.” He laughed again. “Well if you stayed east anyways. West would have gotten you really lost.” He seemed to enjoy that a little too much.

“I’ll remember that next time,” I said sarcastically. Not like id be going out that way anytime soon. Not until I install a GPS system in my car anyways.

We pulled onto my street and I my nerves went crazy. I had no idea how Grams’ reaction would be. He must have noticed I tensed up again because he reached over and held my hand. I didn’t feel the electric shock so hard this time, maybe I was getting used to it.

“You’ll be fine. So what, you were late getting home because you got lost. I’m sure they’ll understand.” He said that with a sympathetic smile, but I could tell he was holding back another laugh. “They’re probably used to it.”

“Uh, no. I haven’t seen my grandparents in 12 years before yesterday. ” I said, I didn’t really want to go into my life story with him right then, well really not ever.

“Oh, ok. Well then I guess they better get used to it huh.” He said with a smile.

I pointed to my house when we got closer to it and he pulled in. The nerves only got worse when he stopped in the driveway and parked off to the side out of sight from the house. I was a little confused as to why he would park my car way over there. “Thank you. I mean, I could have driven myself, but I probably wouldn’t have gotten as lucky as I didn’t this time, if I had gotten lost again.” I said smiling at him.
He laughed, but very little and smiled back. “Yeah, probably.” He looked down for a second and then looked back at me. “Well I guess you better get inside.”

“When will I see you again?” I rushed the words out, but I’m sure he understood them.

He thought about that for a minute. “What are you doing tonight? I could maybe show you around. You know, let you see the town, without getting lost.” He said while smiling.

I couldn’t fight back returning a smile. “That would be great.”

“Alright, I’ll see you around 7pm? Is that ok? You could bring Lilly too if you want. Thought if you bring her, and early time may be more appropriate.”

“7 is fine. I’m sure Grams wouldn’t mind watching her again.” I said and I was sure she would, but it was her reaction to me asking her I wasn’t looking forward too.

“Ok, 7 it is. I’ll see you then. ” He smiled and then kissed my hand that he was still holding and I felt a cold feeling tingle all the way up to my wrist. As he got out, I blinked and he was gone.  I then realized why he parked over here.

 

I don’t know exactly when I’d fallen asleep, but when I woke up I cracked my eyes open a little bit and the sun was still out. I sighed with relief that I hadn’t ended up sleeping to late and missed seeing Daniel. I opened my eyes more and stretched and realized Lilly wasn’t in bed anymore.  I sat up and wondered when she’d gotten up. I looked around the room and then found her sitting on the floor. She had found a box of her toys that I hadn’t unpacked yet and gotten it open.

“Mommy!” she yelled when she saw me look at her. It felt like it had been days since I’d seen her last.

“Hi baby.” I said as she ran and climbed up onto the bed to give me a hug. “Did you have a good nap?” I asked her.

“Yes.” She answered with a smile and started to get off the bed again.

“That’s good.” I said while getting off the bed too. I walked over to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Ugh. I looked like crap. I ran a brush threw my hair and it just made it puff out. I was definitely going to have to take a shower before I see Daniel. “Let’s go see Grams” I said and walked back over to Lilly. She held out her hand and we walked to the living room where both Grams and Gramps sat watching TV.

“Glad to see you finally awake.” Grams said. Gramps didn’t even look up from the TV.

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to sleep so long, sorry.” I apologized.

“Just glad your home safe. Lilly woke up about an hour and a half ago.” She added.

I glanced up at the clock. It was 4pm. I really didn’t mean to sleep so long. I was just so wore out after all that from last night.

I walked over to the kitchen to grab something to drink and Lilly went back to her room to play with her toys. I decided that with Lilly not in the room was the best time to bring up going with Daniel. I walked back to the living room. “Hey, uh, Grams.” I paused for a second. “The guy I met last night, well he wanted to take me out this evening to show me the sights I didn’t get to see last night since I had gotten lost.” I felt really nervous while bringing it up to her. My voice came out a little muffled. “His name is Daniel and he’s really nice. He’s also about my age.” That was kind of a lie, I didn’t really know exactly how old he was, just that he looked my age. “I figured I would go, but I was wondering If you could, maybe, watch Lilly for me? He wants to go out at around 7pm, and that might be a little late to have Lilly out. ”

She just sat there and stared at me for a second. I hope she wouldn’t get the wrong idea from my nervousness. It was directed towards them, not to spending time with Daniel.

“Of course I’ll watch Lilly for you.  I just really like the idea of you going out with that guy, you barely know him” she finally said.

Oh great, now she was getting all parental on me. It was nice that she cared, but I knew what I was doing. “He’s really nice Grams, really. I wouldn’t go with him if I didn’t think so.” I added.

“Well ok then, I’ll trust your judgment. Just be safe please and come home this time.” She added a smile at the end and I knew that the hard part was over. Now it was just time to get myself up and take a shower. I was still very tired.

 

---

 

I was sitting out on my front porch bouncing on the steps, not sure if it was from the cold or if it was my nerves. I would have thought the shower would have calmed my nerves, but my heart still felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. I felt completely crazy. I knew Daniel wouldn’t hurt me, I knew I would safe from everything with him, but the way I felt was not like the feeling I had gotten last night, or the feeling from this morning. This was a feeling I started to notice in the car on the way home and I’m still not exactly sure what that is. A big gust of wind snapped me out of my concentration sending shivers down my back. A few moments later Daniel was pulling in the driveway and my kicked into overdrive.

“Hello Rayanne.” He said while getting out of the car to open my door. He smiled but it didn’t seem to fit. The expression was off, not happy, but more like he was trying to be happy about doing something he knew he shouldn’t have been.

“Hi Daniel.” I said back, sounding a little too anxious. That was something I was trying to avoid. I got into the car and didn’t even notice he had sat down just before I did. It made me jump a little, and then I just laughed quietly. “So, where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” He said with a smile

This smile was different than all his others, it was more beautiful. His perfect teeth showing just a tiny bit, his lips perfectly even, and the way his eyes glowed just a little. I had totally forgotten what I just asked him. He laughed when he saw whatever expression that was glued to my face and cleared throat.

I blinked about four times and concentrated. “A surprise?” I asked. I didn’t enjoy surprises very much, but somehow with him I knew it wasn’t the normal kind of surprise I avoided. I sighed, “Ok, guess I’ll have to wait.” I said and he gave me that smile again. This was going to be a difficult night, I could already tell. I couldn’t even concentrate.

I stared out the window for a while, focusing on what I was thinking before he picked me up. That feeling I couldn’t quite recognize, though it felt familiar. Then suddenly, as if someone just flipped a light switch on, it hit me. That kind of feeling I’ve only felt for one other person. My whole body stiffened as I made the connection, a very unwelcoming one. My daughter’s father.

Author's Note

I'm new at writing and I except any criticism. I just ask that you please be nice about it. There may be some grammar errors, but I haven't made things final yet.