3rd Person

 

I know this guy whose sapphire eyes are telling me to let go. The soft scratch of his lips makes me thirsty; my mouth has never been so dry. Tension and comfort are mingling, having words and I’m waiting on the verdict to breathe. My laugh has never been so honest, my exhale never been so deep. This is so very good. Worshiping isn’t the word I want, but it’s what I’m doing.

Reviews

[Jesse Lynn]

I've got to say, the way Ilene has it broken down makes it much easier to read, but it is your own work, and your work has that flash of brilliance that I'm always craving. Great write.

[Ilene M.W. Lush]

i say here! here! for obsessions. i try to make them serial. it saves you. um, if it was mine:sapphire eyes telling me to let go soft scratch of his lips makes me thirstymy mouth has never been so dry tension comfort mingle having wordsI'm waiting on the verdict to breathe My laugh has never been so honestmy exhale never been so deep this is so very good worship isn't the word I wantyet it is what I'm doing really enjoyable. thank you. i think the piece is great just as it is. i just trimmed it for my own ear.

[Paul Grimsley]

this tasted like music, and i keep beating myself up for this practice (i reach for comparisons) but this called to mind richard brautigan where he cuts that clear line which nestles cheek by jowl with both poetry and prose. i enjoyed this.

[You Don't Know Me]

that last line... POWERFUL. I don't think I could ever find the words for such a feeling. I agree with Amber, you write so well, I would love to see you write a longer prose piece. this was excellent; I honestly don't have anything constructive to say about it.

[Amber Victoria Tudor]

I agree with Wei. This obsession, so beautiful in its existence but leaves you parched. You have a knack for words. I'd like to see more like a story or longer pieces.

[Wei,zepeng(thomas)]

aww, how cute, i can sense your sorrowful and yet erotic feeling in this poem. Oh, this love, hate , hate and love. it seemed to be an eternal struggle created by god. The poem itself needs enhancements. The sentence structure needs to reconstruct, try to creat some kind of ensemble or follow certain rhymes. Mix the detail with beauty of words, enchant them with your most desirable feelings from the deepest part of your heart, hence thy work shall be more attractive. Beside all these, wish you luck, and wish the best of you.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

damn girl

this is basically amazing.

LOVE IT.