The Unreal Real

Bliss, Felicity, Desperation

Longing, causing, asphyxiation

 

Floating, Dreamlike

With hazy eyes

Up and down

The inertia flies

Betraying heart

Takes flight to skies

Constantly

Ending nights in sighs

For love the battle

You my prize

 

Harrowing pain

Buried inside

Yearning

So painstakingly tied

To the emotions

I deride

Wistful thoughts

Of you by my side

With a cacoethes

To confide

Picturing

Me as your bride

 

Irrational

As it may be

Exquisite thoughts

Set me free

An assembled montage

Of you and me

To my heart

You hold a gold key

Be careful

My love has no fee

Just a love

Happy and carefree

 

Happy and carefree

My thoughts are dreams

Just an overwhelming longing

Or so it seems

Author's Note

So After holding it for a few days I've decided what the heck. I was looking for ways to improve it (there is always some way) and I just kind of stopped trying because reading it the last time after giving myself a break I fell in love with it with no changes made at all
cacoethes-an irresistible urge to do something inadvisable

Reviews

[alifeacoustic]

You capture perfectly the dreamlike bliss of knowing, feeling contentment, while unsure and fearful that giving the key to your heart will be to the right person and not the echoes of futures past. Exciting times, with the hesitancy and doubt of the past the only doubt from stopping you leaping in, a hope that it will be as pleasurable as the dream and show you once more that openness and trust can ease that locked heart open once more. Beautiful words Rachael.

[Richard🖌]

cacoethesˌ kakaweetheez
I love it, Rachael! :)
A beautifully spake Free Style piece, dear lady-poet, in a lovely voice, with mono-rhyme and metaphor to melt the coldest resolve … ummm! Been there, done that literally, imaginatively, and fantastically, reveling in every moment of it … still do, on occasion, except, as the groom, of course. ; )
I am sooo very happy you decided to share this little toe-curler … just the sweetness I needed to stir awake the day, along with my fertile imagination.
MMmmm, your emotive expressions are simply tasty reflections of the writer behind your pen, making it all the more scintillating and memorable for the senses to enjoy.
There are so many enthralling thoughts threaded all throughout; yet, energized by all the rest, this I cannot shake:
"Exquisite thoughts
Set me free
An assembled montage
Of you and me"
Just a wee shoulder tap in this one line caught my learned eye … consider "golden", as "gold" clips the flow a bit:
"You hold a golden key" or "You hold the golden key".

Gosh, Rachael, I could rave-on, but to keep from wearing my welcome out, I'd better close for now with an extra warm hug of thanks! ⁓ Richard : )

[JBoone]

This is beautiful. I love the style and the flow. Great thought and care was put into this and tenderness of the final piece shows that. BRAVO!!

[Adam Adams]

Perfect.
Well written. Artistic. So philosophically conceptual. Real unreal in so surreal world, love has faded away into ashes. What's left.... just the figment of Its pleasure that everyone wishes to have oneself swung with. Very brightly & captivating written. Loved the choice of ur words. Very high & so doped!! Amazing. Well done!!

[Rachael Lea]

What an amazing review. Thank you so much for taking the time to do it. I am glad that you liked it... it is one of my favorites of mine.

[mattavelli]

Hi, I enjoyed the rhyme, but I didn't catch the full message here. You want but don't want love?

[Rachael Lea]

I am a woman who has been scorned lol. This poem only speaks of longing, longing so deep and true that one can be suffocated by it, yet spoken from an aspect of a person who is not ready to accept thoughts so overwhelming. If there are any parts in which confuse you I would be happy to explain.

[mattavelli]

"I am a woman who has been scorned lol" - that ended my confusion. Haha
I think my trouble was your phrasing. My brain likes full sentences and punctuation. I'm bad at reading poetry... your second stanza had me confused. I saw - pain..... getting married - and got lost.

[Rachael Lea]

lol umm marriage is pain. No offense to anyone happily married I wish them well as well as anyone else, but that does not mean I have lost hope. It just is not something I wish to repeat anytime soon. I am sorry about the set up poetry can be difficult to read at times, it is an art. I hate punctuation and the set up was to intensify certain areas, I was also just trying something new. I usually write full stanza's just learning to step out of my comfort zones.

[mattavelli]

Sometimes it feels like reading poetry is an art. Haha
After rereading this one, I think I've caught the meaning. It was a pleasure. Have fun. :)

[Rachael Lea]

I am glad you got it!
Thanks again for your review!

[emmajoy]

' Wistful thoughts - Of you by my side - With a cacoethes - To confide - Picturing - Me as your bride .. '

Am smiling, happy for you! There's such life in this post.. as if you've opened your heart and just poured out your emotions for the reader to share! Yet the lightness of words, the shortness of phrases are gentle, almost controlled.. amazingly clever to use those two tangents. (Thank you for teaching me a new word. Now i just have to find an excuse to use it as both word and action!)

[Rachael Lea]

Thank you so much. Its not my normal writing style but it has definitely become a favorite of mine.

[Legacy]

Interesting... Start by saying a beautiful write...

The interesting part, when I finished reading for some reason I decided to read it in reverse. Amazing how well it read both ways... Don't think I ever came across one of this kind. It indeed made since both ways.

Great read...

-Legacy

[NeuroVersifier]

I like it how it is - the imagery, the rhythm, the mood. Really nice. As for cacoethes, welcome to my daily reality.

[Rachael Lea]

I am glad that you like this. I have come to really like it too

[A hare off]

When what seems irrational, a long shot, something so far out there and dream-like comes true, that is when it's time to put your dancing shoes on and let your feet go wherever thye like. Your poem describes that feeling of elation and euphoria wonderfully. It give hope to my heart and pasted a huge smile on my face as I read it today. Nicely written happiness.

[Rachael Lea]

Thank you so much! I am happy I was able to make someone smile with just being me, hope your day stays great!

[David Scott]

From the fist lines the poem feel energetic. There is a frantic pace to the write like dance long after the body has given in to inebriation.
I felt the energy and happiness.

[Rachael Lea]

Oh Good, this isn't my typical style for many reason but I am glad that you were able to feel the energy in it... it is that energy that causes giddiness, which is what I was really going for.

[David Scott]

Totally felt "giddy". Yes! Not a word I use often in my vocabulary... Ha.

[Rachael Lea]

LOL I can only imagine but it is still a fun word no

[David Scott]

Indeed it is. I have a daughter and I have observed her giddiness with a fatherly appreciation of how wonderful life can be. There is an innocence to this word I think...