Chapter IV

Chaim visits Eli and reveals his secret to him and Eli's dream comes true.

I headed upstairs to my bathroom. I took off my soaking weight clothes, putting them in my clothes hamper and then, I headed to the the shower. The warm water hit my pallid skin and I didn't care if the heat did turn me into a tomato. I was proud of my skin, at least when I was at home, because it was pale and made me very susceptible to heat. How I was born so pale in a Polish family still didn't make any sense, but since my mother's family was from Romania, perhaps I was half vampire?

I giggled to myself at the little joke, and then I started to wash my hair. It was getting longer, which was good, maybe I could curl my peyos, which are the sidelocks you see on many observant Jews, and let them hang off the sides of my head like my grandfather, Rabbi Eliyahu Leibowitz.

He was a great man. An accepting man who taught Reform Judaism in Poland before coming to America to start a Reform synagogue, which was a success for twenty-two-years. 

I sometimes couldn't wait until I was able to get ordained as a rabbi and start my own Reform shul in Hillsborough. Bring about something for the Conservatives to b***h about. I heard the sound of the door bell and I quickly turned off the water. I got out, put on my robe, and headed down to the living room. I answered the door to see Chaim standing there, wearing his wet clothes and his Letterman jacket. I looked at him, "Shalom Aleichem Chaim."

"Aleichem Shalom Eli. Can I come in? It's raining out here."

"Sure."

Chaim came in and he rubbed his head from the water that had found its way on him. He looked me over and said, "Bad timing."

"No, I was in the shower, the clothes were anchoring me down."

"Well," he snorted, "I'm glad your mobile now."

"I'm gonna get dressed, take a seat and get the textbooks out so we can study," I said, patting his shoulder, I squeezed it gently, not tight enough for him to feel but enough for me to get the feeling of his taut muscle in my hand. He nodded and headed to the sofa. I quickly made my way up the stairs and got to my room. I was so excited. My heart mustn't been beating a hundred to nothing. I pulled out my black running pants, a long-sleeved tan shirt, and socks. I took up my yarmulka, fixed it to my head, and got down to my guest. Sure enough, he'd taken his jacket off and thumbing through the textbooks. He was wearing a black t-shirt that was a size small for him, making his body look extreme and sending my heart into a pounding frenzy of power and ecstasy. 

HaShem had blessed me with my heart. H- had successfully given me my love for others and I knew that Chaim would at least know tonight that what I felt for him was stronger than just friendship. It was love. Love for Chaim Weiss. A love that I didn't want to break for anyone. Not Rena. Not Alice Fieldman. Not even for my mother.

I quickly made my way to him and sat on the sofa. "Miss me yet?"

He smiled, "I was wondering what took you so long."

I looked at the books and started searching through them. Obviously, there would be no Science, Math, PE, or any other class homework...because of me. I knew in the back of my head that I would have to study Romeo and Juliet sometime tonight. I was going to be tired by the end of the night, that was for sure. Sometimes I wondered if I was going to fall over from the homework that I was going to have piled-up through the year. It's just a crazy habit. Sleep and homework are almost always mortal enemies. 

"Eli?"

I was snapped out of my daze again and I looked to see Chaim staring at me, I looked at him, "Yes?"

"Do you always go deep into thought?"

"Sometimes," I replied, "Is it a bad thing."

"Well, if I was a woman, I might be put off by your negligence. However," he put his arm around my shoulder, "I think its a cute thing. I don't see why women get put off when a man seems to be somewhere else in his mind. I do the same thing sometimes."

I attempted to stare at the book, but unfortunately, he wasn't done talking. "Eli."

"Yes?"

"I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to talk about actually."

"Oh?" I looked at him, "Chaim, I'm your friend, you can tell me anything in the world that you want to. I'm here for you. I'm not going to be put off or turn you away, even if you did-"

He pulled me in for a deep kiss. It was very deep. He monopolized it, the whole kiss, but I was very taken back and I pushed into the kiss more. It was honestly, the most romantic moment of my life. I didn't want it to end. I wanted it to keep going and never stop, never end, and never die. This wasn't a kiss. This was an epic adventure that was causing me to choke on my heart and my nerves to shoot with adrenaline like a bullet. I couldn't believe what was happening, I closed my eyes, and I just kept going. I wanted it to keep going. All too soon, the kiss ended and Chaim pulled back.

I absently licked my lips and gave a bashful smirk. I looked at him, to see that he was crying and had his head in his hands. It was truly heartbreaking to see Chaim in this state. It made me start tearing up myself, I pulled him into my arms and he buried his face into chest. He was crying pretty badly by now and I was afraid he would die in my arms. Romantic as it sounded, this was not my idea. HaShem had given me a blessing and I was astounded by how perfect everything was going. 

He mumbled under his breath, beneath each tear and behind each grunt. I was aching to know what he was saying. To know what he was thinking about. I even wanted to know what he was wondering I thought of the whole situation. 

Chaim finally raised his head up, his cheeks stained with tears and his eyes pink and swollen. I held his cheek in my hand and looked at him. I wanted to know what he had to say. What he had to tell me. And after he looked at me for a solemn minute, he opened his mouth and spoke softly, "I'm sorry, Eli. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because I've broken the Torah, I've caused disgrace to you by having wrong thoughts about you. I can't believe that I've shown you..."

"Chaim, you don't understand, you've not broken the Torah, at least, not to me. Chaim...I'm gay."

"Your gay?"

"Yes," I had finally said it, I finally revealed one of my secrets and I looked at his reaction, seeing a glint of surprise and happiness fill up his eyes, "I am gay, and I love you, Chaim Weiss."

"Eli...I love you too. But this love is unaccepted in my family. I was raised Orthodox, but I've found myself falling for someone very close to me. Someone who breaks through my walls and places a charm on me. And its you. Eliyahu, you've made me realize who I am and who I love."

I kissed his nose and grinned brightly, "I'm so happy right now. Feel?"

I placed his hand over my heart, whereas it was beating hard right now and he could feel it for sure. He leaned in and kissed over where my heart was. I felt for sure that I was going to have a heart attack and die right there. Yes, I know, melodramatic. However, I wanted to be as dramatic as I could with Chaim...this love we had, forbidden as it was, was worth loving and enjoying. And I planned to enjoy it all. No matter who said what.