Struggles

What do I have to say? 
Each time I try to find the right words,
they fall away.
Maybe I'm not trying that hard.
Maybe I'm not trying at all.
Trying to pick up new talents
but really, I need some balance.
Waking up  in tears
because I've wasted all these years.
Doing anything I please, 
and nothing I need. 
Now the weight is stacking,
and I can feel my bones cracking.
When was I truely happy?
Why is it so hard to just not feel so crappy?
The only good thing to come from depression 
is lowering my aggression.
And did I mention the tension
I feel in every decision, 
and in every late night revision of my life.
I don't need all this grief, I just need to leave.
And sure you kill the pain...
Your presence is soothing like the rain.
But my insecurities weigh me down.
Rising waters, and you watch me drown.
I don't yell for help
somehow I feel comfort with the kelp. 
So, if you need me
I'll be sinking deep. 
And this love I wish I could keep.
If my words could set me free
I'd hope you'd be with me. 
Maybe its wishful thinking
But I'm tired of sinking. 
So, I'll crawl from the depths
and it may take months
But I'm done with these fronts of happiness. 
Hiding my ravenous emptiness.