"The Drifter" part 2

The second part to my earlier published short story. It might clear a couple things up.

 

Ingo grabbed Dima and started running again. He ran and ran until he came abruptly to a halt. There was a wall right in front of them. It was only because of his keen eyesight that he didn’t run into it.

            “Hold up!” whispered Ingo.

            “What’s wrong? Why can’t we go any further?” said Dima.

            “This isn’t right.” said Ingo talking to himself. He reached all over the wall groping this way and that for any crevice or sign of a way out. “No no NO! This can’t be the end. It’s got to go on. We can’t just die here. We can’t.” He smashed his hand against the wall in frustration. Sinking to the ground he started to weep as a feeling of hopelessness washed over him.

            “Don’t worry.” said Dima crouching down to comfort Ingo. “I’ll look around. Maybe I can find something that will help us get out of here.” He looked at Ingo and seeing no response he stood up and made his way into the dark without another word.

            “Wait,” called out Ingo. “Don’t go, don’t leave me here!” But the only response he got was silence. He too stood up and rubbing his arm on his sleeve he started walking in the direction he thought Dima had taken. He walked for hours calling quietly for his friend but to no avail. He had given up all hope for ever finding his friend again when he heard a cry.

            “Dima!” he shouted out. Another cry answered his, this time more urgent than the last. He rushed forwards, wildly calling for his friend. The cries grew louder, until they suddenly stopped. No longer hearing any cries of distress made him run even faster. He sprinted through the passageways as if he new the way by heart. Maybe it was some angelic force that was guiding him, but whatever it was, he knew it would lead him to his friend.

            He raced onwards and was about to slow down when he tripped. He lay there on the ground spread-eagled and unconscious. After a few minutes he woke up and then sat up trying to remember what it was that had happened. “Dima!” he shouted suddenly, remembering why he had been running. He quickly got to his feet and then taking another step he tripped again. This time his reflexes saved him, but when he brought up his hands they were all wet and sticky.

            He turned around. He knew what he was going to find but he turned slowly, as if taking longer would make it disappear. Fully turned, he saw a dark shape lying across the floor of the passage, just as he had been. Advancing so that the object came into his vision he saw what he had been dreading. There, lying with a look on his face that made Ingo turn away with horror, was Dima. Shaking his head with grief Ingo turned once again to look at his dead friend. His eyes were blank. White, cold, and lifeless, yet still with a look of despair on his face. All across his body there were foot long gashes as if some beast had raked its claws along his body even after he stopped fighting. A pool of blood was around his corpse, now flowing into the darkness along cracks in the floor.

            Ingo sat there just staring at Dima’s body. How long he sat there he didn’t know, he only knew that it was a long time. After he passed over some of his grief and he realized that he shouldn’t stay there any longer, lest the beast return, he walked away. Slowly but surely he made his way from the body of his friend, to try and live for as long as he could.

            He lived as best he could make it. Eating rats and anything else he might come across in the depths of those tunnels. He lived this way for years. Slowly, his eyes adjusted to the light perfectly. He could see a forty yards in front of him and tell when there was anything coming his way. He never met up with the creature. Occasionally he would hear a few screams in the distance, as it found some other victim. But he grew to shut out these cries of despair. He lost track of time, of how old he was, even of how many years he had been down in the dark. All that he cared about was finding food and sustaining himself.

            It was after what seemed like forever to him, but had actually been seven years that the completely unexpected happened. He was making his way along his usual route to the rat colony he had discovered, when he heard footsteps. He crouched down into the wall, blending in and becoming totally invisible, watching ahead of him for the person to come into his view. He knew it was a person because he had heard all too often the sound of a rat running, and this was no rat. From the way the footsteps fell he could tell it was either a woman, or someone who had skill in hunting because the footsteps were light. He waited for perhaps a minute when a beautiful woman came into his view. She wore a light brown tunic, black pants, and carried a longbow.

            As she grew closer he saw on her face and wondered where he had seen her before. He saw an expression of not so much fear as determination and he knew that he would have to reveal himself soon, lest he be shot by accident.

            “Excuse me,” he said not yet stepping out from his hiding.

            “Who’s there?” she called out.

            “Don’t be afraid,” he reassured her. “My name is Ingo and I was taken by a cloaked man years ago along with a few other kids.”

            “Ingo?” she replied. “Is this some kind of trick? Who are you? Show yourself!”

            “Okay,” he said. “I’m going to come out. Don’t shoot.” He stepped out from the shadows and their eyes connected.

            “You!” exclaimed Mauryn.

            “Mother!” cried Ingo.

            She dropped the bow and raced to him. Tears of joy streaming down her face at the sight of her long lost son. Ingo stood still. Shocked, he was almost toppled by his mother. As soon as he felt her touch again; the touch of another human, he embraced her. He hugged her and together they stood there drinking in the moment. Ingo was sobbing with love. His body was heaving as his voice choked and he lost breath. Mauryn cried into her lost son’s shoulder; her face wet with tears. After minutes of them standing together Mauryn stepped back and wiped her face on her shirt sleeve.

            “Look at you. You’re all grown up. It seems like a lifetime since I saw you. How have you survived down here? There’s nothing that I’ve seen yet that is edible or anything to give you sustenance.”

            “Well it’s been hard but I’ve managed.” Saying that, he proceeded to tell her of the story of how he had survived all those years. When he was finished she told him of the Drifter and how he had come back; and how she had followed him here. When all was said and done they decided they would try and find their way out. Mauryn had a good sense of where they had to go to get out. So they left the way she had come.

            They had been walked for almost a day when they came to the door that led to the huge room. They knew it was the right door because Ingo said that in all his years he had been underground he had never come to another door; and Mauryn knew they were in generally the same direction as she had come. They went through the door but as they closed the door behind them there was a voice.

            “So, you managed to escape my labyrinth.” it said.

            They were still facing the door and they heard it from behind them. They turned and there was no one there. Then from out of the shadows, from behind a pillar stepped a man cloaked in black. He came out from behind the pillar and started to walk towards them.

            “I must say I am impressed,” he went on. “You two are the first to escape my labyrinth.” His fingers snapped and torches all along the hall on pillars lit up. “But you see I’m afraid I can’t allow you to leave completely. Word might get out of my little discovery down here; and of my little pets.”

            “What do you mean by pets?” asked Mauryn.

            “I think your companion here knows what I mean. Don’t you boy?”

            “You mean there is more than one of them?” Exclaimed Ingo.

            “I’m surprised you didn’t know. That labyrinth is miles long, and wide. To fill all that space I have to have at least a dozen of my babies to start off. Did you ever meet one in the flesh? If you had I’d be very surprised to see you as you are, in one piece. I’m breeding them. I’m going to build an army and when the time is right I shall join them to my revolution I have been starting on the surface. When all is ready I shall take over the kingdom.”

            “Why do you want to do this?” asked Mauryn.

            “Why?” he replied almost casually with a hint of contempt. “I don’t care about money or power like most. I want to see your useless race of humans destroyed. Wiped clear off the face of the Earth.”

            “What do you mean? What exactly are you?” asked Ingo.

            “I,” he said, “am a Dathon. A race that existed here long before you humans came to this Earth. We watched as Elves came and set up their ways in the woods. Discovered their magic which we were already proficient in before they came. We waited for the Dwarves to be wiped off the planet in a landslide in one of their mountains. And when you humans evolved, from your primal ways, we were there, watching and waiting for you to kill yourselves in pointless wars. But you didn’t. You multiplied so fast we lost track of all of you. And now we have decided to do something. We decided to start with your largest and most powerful country. I was assigned to start a revolution, an upheaval if you will, where chaos shall spread and soon eliminate your entire pathetic race. So, to business. I must see my task completed and you are not about to stop me.”

            With that, he raised his hands and he floated up into the air. Mauryn and Ingo dashed separate ways as a fireball came hurtling in their direction and crashed into the spot where they were standing. Ingo rolled to his side and he realized that he didn’t know how to use a weapon, but he knew how to throw rocks hard and accurately. He started dashing around picking up rocks and hurling them at the man floating in the air above them. None of them made contact as the man waved his hand and they clattered to the ground; nonetheless, Ingo didn’t give up. Mauryn was, however, facing the brunt of his wrath and was constantly dodging fireballs and debris that was being hurled at her by magic forces. She ducked behind a pillar, notched an arrow onto her bow and was about to jump around the corner when a fireball hit the other side of the pillar. A great hunk of stone fell down beside her, the force of its impact felling her to the ground. She struggled to stand but her ankle was caught and she couldn’t move. She was trying to get it lose as the man floated into sight. He raised his hand to cast a final ball of magic and finish her off when he was hit with a small stone. His head whipped around searching for Ingo. That was all the time Mauryn needed. In a second she re-notched the arrow to her bow,   had drawn, and fired. The arrow sank into the man’s chest. He looked down, almost with a look of surprise on his face. Then his body started to convulse and spasm. He still hung in the air, although a faint glow appeared around his body. The glow grew stronger until she couldn’t look anymore because it was so bright. Then with a scream of agony the light stopped and Mauryn looked to see nothing there. She tried getting herself loose until her son came and found her. He rolled the chunk of stone off her pant leg and pried it loose. In the light they looked and saw that it was only bruised around the ankle.

Ingo offered to carry her, but she declined saying she had made it this far, why should she stop now.

            They rose, and made their way straight along the hall to the other door. They went out the door and climbed the stairs. When they got to the top of the stairs they opened it up, only to see that it was sunrise. Mauryn sighed. Ingo led her to the edge and together they sat down overlooking the awakening forest. The first rays of sunlight were cresting over the tree tops. A sky lark twittered and flew underneath them, searching for his morning meal, content with his naivety. They looked out to the forest again, made their way down the tree, and set off for home, glad to be alive.  

 

^*Quenya (High Elven) Poem written by Riaz Qureshi using the language created and devised by J.R.R. Tolkien in the book(s) Lord Of The Rings. (From part 1 of 2)

Author's Note

tell me what you think of the thing as a whole. They're both kind of incomplete without the other, but the reason I did it as two separate parts is because I had to make some corrections and sort out some things. The ending might be a little weak...sorry.

Reviews

[Here No More]

Well, my wish for the second part was granted rather quickly! I must admit this second portion had less of a punch than the first. It's lovely that they both escaped unscathed, but where's the high adventure? I think this could be fleshed out to far more satisfying proportions. What are the child-eating monsters? Can they get more lost and thus explore more of the labyrinth? What else is in the labyrinth--nasty little plants, horrid insects? There's lots of potential for strange and creepy developments within the elements you've already dreamed up. I generally think the more (and more imaginative) the detail, the more satisfying the story. Also, the bad guy should die WAY more dramatically--to me this feels like you defeated a minor boss in a video game. Hey! There's an idea...