Bang

The tale of a girl.

 A bead of sweat 

Drips from her temple 

And onto the trigger 

Of the pistol placed there.

It rolls down her forehead 

And mixes with the tears

That run down her porcelain cheeks.

They ponder the thought 

Of losing somebody like her,

But they don't realize 

How close she is to being gone.

With her slender finger

Perched upon the brass trigger,

She thinks of everything 

And everyone. 

Just a simple tug, 

Barely a movement.

Bang.

There isn't a porcelain 

Soul anymore.

She's can't feel the 

Hurt and pain anymore.

But still,

She's not happier.

 

Author's Note

Opinions?

Reviews

[Aimee Mahathy]

Well, in my honest opinion, I feel that you could've gone deeper. Or in a little more detail with the "bang" part. It felt to me like a little anti-climactic when you spent a good few lines laying down the basis of the poem, the girl, then you build it up in suspense with her finger on the trigger. The actual act of the shot is very short, in comparison.
However, I did enjoy this! I like the idea, and especially the end~ =] Great imagery with the sweat!

[Robert J Poe]

this is good, it shows suicide is never worth it.

[TheActOfRandomness(:]

I like after the bang, that she wasn't happier, like it didn't solve anything.
It had really good imagery with the sweat and right before she pullled the trigger!
Great Write! :D

[Theresa]

It's sad, but I feel like it has a message in the end. That thinking by taking your life will end all the pain and make you happier it won't. I really like that. Overall its well written and flows easily. Nicely done.

[A.E Blink]

Good. I like how you say that she isnt happier in the end.