Hello

A Chapter by Raven

“I have trouble coping..” I said sitting in a burnt red chair with arm rests that had small snags of thread sticking out. “I understand that is why we are here today, Ms.-” he pauses,”Clair, is it?” He shifts in his seat as if to get comfortable. “Dr. Shawn, I really don’t understand why I’m here. Tons of people have the same problems with coping as I do.” I say. His gaze moves around my being as if to evaluate me. I hastily pull my sleeves further down my arms, uncomfortable to think about my past. I fight back the tear that dares fall down my cheek. “Crying is a sign of weakness. You’re weak!” I look at Dr. Shawn, a stranger to me, as he drones on about how I need to find an outlet for my depression and anxiety. I start to listen when I hear him talk about my mom.

“Your parents asked for you to come in for a couple sessions they just wanted to make sure you felt safe and are adjusting well.” claims Dr.Shawn. He even looks like your typical therapist. “I’m fine.” I respond sternly. He pushes his glasses to firmly fit his small-pudgy face.

“Okay, well we are running out of time for this session.. I feel as though we got off to a bad start. How about you tell me a little bit about yourself?” He asks calmly. I chuckle and say, “Where do we start? I’m 17 years old. I’m senior in highschool. I have blonde hair, green eyes, and I got sent to this dumb school in Virginia by my parents for something as stupid as… Look there’s nothing you don’t already know by the paperwork sent over from my previous counselor. Why not just read that?”

“I’m only here to help you, Clair. Not hurt you. It looks as though our time is about up, so, I will see you tomorrow and stay safe out there.” Dr. Shawn says as he shuffles his papers together and sets them on his desk. I stand up, super ready to be out of here and go get food. He follows suit and extends his hand for a handshake. I awkwardly shake his hand, gather my things, and exit quickly.

I walk out of the door to stares from people sitting in small black desk chairs lined neatly against the white brick wall waiting for Dr. Shawn. At that moment I knew they had probably heard my small outburst but nobody seems to care. They simply look away and stare back into nothingness. I make it down the hall to my new school's’ cafeteria where I am quickly surrounded by echoing conversations and the aroma of chicken that billowed from the kitchen. I followed the smell to the right of me which led me to a single file line of people waiting for their food.

As I stand there, I notice that the school doesn't have many students. There are maybe 50 of us standing in line and sitting down at their tables talking to their friends around them. Above the dinner line, the school's name was printed in bold blue paint, “THE ROSE”. As I looked around, I noticed what a sorry sac-of-s**t this school really was. The brick walls were covered in a dull white paint that has started to chip off. The the floor was just your regular hard slick concrete floor that had a wonderful shade of grey to offset the beautifully painted white room. The windows even had bars on them like the building was from an old asylum or mental hospital. I only felt more alone in here.

Days pass by like years as I walk through the halls going from class to class from session to session with Doctor Shaun but it feels like I’m just stuck in an endless loop of boredom and nothingness. Now, when I say nothingness, I mean nothing there's not s**t at this school besides zombified people and teachers who gossip. My classes consist of an art, music, english and math but everything is super easy. I oddly enough miss my family. Being here and not knowing anybody is hard. Not having my mom to come coddle me when I’m crying in my bed; no dad to tell me how I need to be careful and stay away from the boys or call me his “baby girl”.