Trapped

It’s hard to wake up from a nightmare, if you aren’t even asleep...

Swimming in the river of sorrow,
There is no need for me to follow,
The path of darkness the road so narrow,
Everything moving so fast like the whip of an arrow.

Hearing the shouts hearing the screams,
This house just isn’t for me,
All the fighting I have seen,
Terrified and angry I have been!

All my demons clawing at me,
Whereas my soul is ready to flee,
With my body breaking me,
For my fear is the key...

My soul all tangled and broken,
The devil I have awoken,
All the words have been spoken,
For my tears are the token!

I shall never be free...
For I have always been trapped,
In a body where my screams are unheard.

Reviews

[R.E. Ray]

As the previous readers commented, your poem speaks to many who've also been "trapped." Some spectacular imagery in this piece. "All my demons clawing at me" is not only vivid but conveys the pain of suffering.

From my perspective (not a scholarly poet), some of the rhyming seemed forced and broken. For example, "With my body broken to three" leaves me wondering. What "three?" Did you use this number just because it rhymes. Again, it's just my opinion.

You're an exceptional writer. I'd encourage you, as others have done with me, to just write with your heart, and don't force the rhymes. Sometimes the most powerful and beautiful poems don't rhyme.

I look forward to reading your other work. Thanks for sharing your work.

[fleamailman]

("...I'm not judge on these matters but perhaps if one reads it out aloud to oneself one gets the sense of flow..." ventured the goblin thanking Avie for the invite to appraise, then adding "...welcome to writerscafe and good luck with your future projects here...")

[-no-]

What I like in this poem is the spectacular imagery. It really captures the darkness and the nightmarish scenery. Albeit some corrections, it's still a really amazing poem.

[PandaPeaceful]

Darkness evaporates your poem beautifully. The rhythm sparkles under your words, as I feel myself fading while I picture your story. I beautiful beginning for a lengthy journey! A fantastic start you have created here. My eyes will be searching your next poem. Until next time!

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Excellent thanks for showing me this spectacular poem please publish some more I think it’s great

[Adina]

This poem I felt sparked such emotions. And the feelings portrayed in this poem are so intense along with the words being used. I love the poem overall. :)

[Marija Petrovic]

Beautiful! I can relate,and I'm close to crying right now..It's honest,raw,and very haunting.I could amazingly picture the poem visually

[Healing Star]

Gratitude is the greatest healer - find things to be greatful for when we get into our darker, and want to step out of it. No need to do it too quickly, the darkness has it's teachings too, we can't rush our healing like Trevor Hall says in - You can't Rush Your Healing

[Healing Star]

Very, Very nice for a first ever posted poem. keep finding more from that well this one sprung from. It's easy to see, that there is a belief in being trapped, of feeling helpless. It's hard when it's how we sometimes really feel, I have been in a spinning spiral , where it's not been going upward lately. I know what I have to do, it's my not doing it that makes the spiral even faster down, I'm out of the flow of my life. I know I need to leave a very dependable good paying job, retire from a 30 year career and start a new chapter in my life, but I know everyone will think I'm crazy and losing it, and what if I am. It's mine to lose isn't it. I just feel I've got to risk it to move forward in other ways, and not just keep sipping the nectar off of flowers that have a bit ago lost their sweetness. Nice poem, it's very well done, good imagery, I'd like to read a brighter side of you. but sometimes the best comes from our darkness. Keep it up, good work.

[butterfly]

Very expressive of a dark experience. Also a vivid, moving and well written poem. Good work!