Trapped

It’s hard to wake up from a nightmare, if you aren’t even asleep...

Swimming in the river of sorrow,
There is no need for me to follow,
The path of darkness the road so narrow,
Everything moving so fast like the whip of an arrow.

Hearing the shouts hearing the screams,
This house just isn’t for me,
All the fighting I have seen,
Terrified and angry I have been!

All my demons clawing at me,
Whereas my soul is ready to flee,
With my body breaking me,
For my fear is the key...

My soul all tangled and broken,
The devil I have awoken,
All the words have been spoken,
For my tears are the token!

I shall never be free...
For I have always been trapped,
In a body where my screams are unheard.

Reviews

[R.E. Ray]

As the previous readers commented, your poem speaks to many who've also been "trapped." Some spectacular imagery in this piece. "All my demons clawing at me" is not only vivid but conveys the pain of suffering.

From my perspective (not a scholarly poet), some of the rhyming seemed forced and broken. For example, "With my body broken to three" leaves me wondering. What "three?" Did you use this number just because it rhymes. Again, it's just my opinion.

You're an exceptional writer. I'd encourage you, as others have done with me, to just write with your heart, and don't force the rhymes. Sometimes the most powerful and beautiful poems don't rhyme.

I look forward to reading your other work. Thanks for sharing your work.

[Correspondence]

Oh no. Only reading the description and I am hooked, gluing my eyes to the bright screen, frantically reading your sorrowful words. So beautiful.

[Pash]

I enjoyed your poem very much. I can relate to it. Your line... My tears are the token...wow! Good stuff. Thank you for sharing.
DB

[Alisa Js]

Emotional abuse is never ok... yet, many suffer in stony silence.

Strong emotional content

[Carlo Lazzari]

Good rhythm and involving most of human senses 'hearing, moving, seeing' . I like the rhymes AAAA which is broken in the last rhyme (ABC).

Good work.

Carlo

[Barbara Walker]

The essential expression of this piece is very strong. Grammar and word choices can be remedied . A poem does not have to rhyme to be a poem. One must be careful that the word chosen is not used purely for the rhyming affect. The word "awoken" is not grammatically correct. I don't understand "with my body broken to three". Many people will identify with the subject and with a bit of editing this would be a great piece of work.

[Karen Redburn]

Well written and highly relatable. It is sad, but many have to live with this nightmare each day. Sometimes we think things are perfect somewhere else, but the truth is there are always unseen things that others are dealing with. I wish we could be constant dreamers, but reality has a way of pulling us back to that narrow reality, great poem, my friend!

[Red Rose]

It's quite passionate and an interesting rhyming sequence.
Keep writing
I hope this is the first of many poems to come.

[Mrudula Rani]

I hope you are writing this from your vivid imagination, and not from personal experiences.
We all feel trapped at one time or other by the responsibilities and relationships. Usually we can find our way out of those situations
If this is your very first poem, you have done an excellent writing.i wish you lot of luck and the very best wishes.

[alanwgraham]

Good, you have very powerfully expressed the strong and long lasting feelings and emotional damage resulting from some terrible experience. We aren't quite sure what it is but that means we can relate it to our own experience. The thing that strikes me about the poem is that there is no overall rhyming scheme - verses 1 3 and 4 all rhyme but not 2 and 5. Also some punctuation could be added - eg, a comma after darkness in verse 1. You could also decide if you want the lines to scan which would make it flow better. Missing out 'everything' in verse 1 line 4 would help with that. Just read it out a few times! Of course it doesn't have to rhyme or scan at all but decide which way you're going to go.
Lots of promise here!
Cheers,
Alan

[Forevermore]

This piece is beautiful; With the amount of emotion and the given passion with your words. I can relate to this piece and I can feel the emotion that follows. I believe many people will relate to this is some way, another thing I loved was your form. In conclusion I say you have a very brilliant piece here!