Alexandra has entered the world of light...everything she had been wishing for was finally going to come true...But will there be a price to pay?...read on.
A blinding light forced its way into my body. Piercing itself into me like a thousand shards of glass, penetrating through my flesh. I screamed out in pain, it was tearing me apart;
the light.
It was too strong, it was something that I wasn't capable of taking in....
I felt my body and soul melting , I was becoming a part of that light. I felt each part of my body dissipating into the light.
However, after the first few painful moments...it didn't hurt me anymore.
It was like the light had mellowed down, now it was only skimming my body. The feeling felt familiar, it felt as though my mother was holding me. I felt safe. I felt secure. Protected.
A feeling that I had forgotten. The light had received me with joy.
I felt my body expanding, my wings were spreading out and becoming bigger than they ever were. All at once, the same excruciating light turned into my comforter. And I knew, that I had been freed. I broke out into the world of light and stood there letting the warm wind enclose me in its arms. I opened my eyes knowing that the view wouldn't be the same, that I was where I had always dreamt of being.
The colours hit me with a force stronger than I had ever felt. And there it was...
The world of light...
The world of glory...
The world of love...
As I let my breath out, I felt joy taking over me, and soon enough I was tearing up. The Great Mighty Warrior of the Dark...in a puddle of tears.
I inhaled the sweet smelling breeze and felt it on my wings, I knew what I had to.
Fly...explore...and begin again. I had the chance to let go of the pain that I hid within the chambers of my heart. So all I had to do... was start.
Your graceful descriptions are vivid & interesting & flowing . . . I can follow the development from harsh, painful light, melding into something more comfortable & familiar. I can see this being a metaphor for how it can hurt when we first look TRUTH boldly in the face, but then it starts to feel better, when we live our own personal truth on a regular basis. However, I just can't plow thru chapter after chapter of such abstracts. For a longer story, I need recognizable characters & meaningful action. Just my preference.
This double negative reads a little clunky for me: "it wasn't something that I wasn't capable of taking in"
A nice contrast here. At first the light gives rise to fear and anguish and then it gave a soothing and calming affect.
The way you have stopped here, its pretty clear that we will soon get a sequel.
A nice read.
A captivating story full of light, elating the reader. The open ended story leaves great room for an equally interesting sequel. Keep writing and shining.
well written indeed. i will have to say, vatsal rohilla is right(which by the way, the "dots" are called elipses). Other than that i will say that i enjoyed you story, and to you, i say, keep writing. I find the more i read, the more i fall in love with your writings. They're so good, so beautifully written. Great Job.
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you very much for the review, i will keep in mind about the elipses.
A pretty nice message has been highlighted here. Good selection of words. You can make it better by reducing all those lines which end with dots(......)- that is what I think.
Well-written. Keep writing.
Ria, the message is so precious, as you know I like your story telling style, it seems someone who is than me teaching me some life lessons through some old stories... There is sense of hope in the end which was really lovely to see, and I'm happy to see you are working so hard now, keep doing frnd...
Note : the last line " This was a lesson that I had to yet learn" I think it should be " This was a lesson that I had to learn yet"...
Very clever thinking and presentation...
Sincerely
Dhiman
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much..i thought as much that last line wasn't ok...ill change it.. :)