THE FAULT IS NOT IN OUR STARS

its a simple poem about two lovers..

In the midst of sorrow,remember me

for I am hidden behind a cloud.

In the midst of pain embrace me,

for I am gracefully all above.

In the midst of betrayal,

search for me for I will be the 'one'.

When I look at you I am mesmerised

for you are covered in stardust.

when I hold you I am breathless,

for you are far above.

In this world I have no other choice but to say, 

my darling hear my plea.

Do not make the foolish mistake of thinking,

that you can hold the stars responsible,

Do not think you can fathom the depths of the skies.

But only this much my dear

that hidden deep behind the clouds ,

are the doors to heaven 

Author's Note

this is my first poem..so please bear with it...i have been inspired by the works of William shakesphere...from his play As you like it...its a wonderful play...and its one of my favourites.
Note: The line 'Do not think you can fathom the depths of the skies' has been directly taken from the works of William Shakespeare.' I do not intend to take any credit for it.

Reviews

[Philip Muls]

Very well done Ria, especially for a first attempt at poetry. Keep it up and take care.

[Ria Carol]

Thank you very much for your kind review.

[AYVID N]

Dear Ria,
Your poetry has a maturity and flair that's beyond your years. Indeed, the doors to heaven lie beyond the clouds. For a first poem, this is great and I can just imagine the wonders your pen will create in the coming years. So keep writing and light up the world with your poetic verses....

[Ria Carol]

Thank you so much divya!...i really appreciate it.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

A well-written poem there where you have described emotions, feelings and other stuff in a commendable manner. I also appreciate the fact that you have given credit to Shakespeare. The repetition of "In the midst of...." is nice. Keep writing.

[Ria Carol]

Thank you for your review...

[Shabeeh Haider]

For a first poem it is very well written. You have been inspired by the work of Shakespeare and that is very good. You will always need inspiration from the masters to be a truly great poet.
The message is somewhat vague but that is not a fault in the poem. Many poets leave the reader guessing as to what they are really thinking.
Maybe the person is addressing someone who has left this world and is in the heavens.....but it is a message that a beloved is being missed.
A very good choice of words in this poem. Thoroughly enjoyable.

*shabeeh*

[Ria Carol]

Thank you for your kind review... :)

[V]

For a first attempt it's pretty good. It reads smooth and nice. I'm not much of a Shakespeare fan but you included his line well. I think you have also borrowed the title and modified it, I was reminded of The Fault in our Stars by John Green the instant I read it. As for the content, the stars cannot be held responsible for our actions or define, destine or influence one's life. At least that's how I read it.

[Ria Carol]

That is exactly the meaning that I'm intending though this piece...that one's destiny is in one's hands and not anything else. That we are creator and destroyer of our lives. Thank you..

[V]

Ok. You're welcome.

[barleygirl]

I'm glad you pointed out the quote from W.S. I was thinking this line sounded a bit harsh & out of context for a poem that is otherwise gentle & loving. For a first poem & possibly trying for a "Shakespeare-esque" sound, you've done quite well! I'm a little confused as to the scenario being described. Is the narrator missing his/her beloved, who might be in heaven? Not sure. But it doesn't matter, becuz your poem flows well & I like the title & the way it manifests in your message.

[Ria Carol]

Thank you so much for your review, i have kept the scenario unsure so that it will apply different to different people...it could be that the narrator is missing his/her loved one...or it could be like a message that the narrator tell's his loved one while he/her is in heaven...Do you think that i should be more clear and not leave it so vague?...and the title was inspired by the book ' The fault in our stars"...

[barleygirl]

I prefer to leave my own writes open-ended. Some readers enjoy working for it, coming up with their own interpretations. Some readers criticize, saying it feels unfinished & they want me to wrap everything up for them. I think either way is fine & readers just have deal with it.

[Zugzwang]

An excellent first poem! I liked this line: 'Do not think you can fathom the depths of the skies.'
The reversal was an interesting effect. A very nice piece.

[Ria Carol]

Thank you...so much...that line is actually directly out of the lines of the play...I'm glad you liked it...

[Zugzwang]

I see...don't forget to clearly state when you use someones work...if you dont its plagiarism and people often get upset about it.

[Ria Carol]

Oh...i didn't know...that

[Ria Carol]

Im sorry...i will do so right away...thank you for letting me know...

[Ria Carol]

Will that disclaimer do?

[Zugzwang]

That's great. As you continue your education you will learn that this issue is very important, especially at university, so it's great for you to learn about it now when you are so young. Well done.

[Inject Positivity]

I love As You Like It , I had to study it in my 1st year college exam and it was really beautiful... Your poem speaks of some great Heights of our life with love and passion... Your word choices are great, and I believe it's twisted poetic version version of John Green's book "The Fault In Our Stars"...

Note: you have missed to use capital letters in I....

I thoroughly enjoyed this and I would request you to write more poems because your first poem has given an idea to the reader that if you write more you can master the art of poetry....

Sincerely,
Dhiman

[Ria Carol]

Thank you for the feedback... :)

[Ria Carol]

I have corrected the 'i's...thank you...:)

[.]

A very nice poem. Hopeful in intent and purpose.

I suspect you are a fan of "The Fault in our stars?" Given the twist on that title.
This appears to have two entwining themes....that of love and faith.
It is a very good first effort, from one still so young. There are some very nice words used here. Nicely done.
Keep writing.

[Ria Carol]

I am quite a big fan of The fault in our stars, the story is a memory that i hold very close to my heart...I'm really glad you liked it though.. :)

[Moon]

i am a fan of your work. you are hopelessly Romantic. I am a fan of your vulnerability.

[Ria Carol]

Thank you very much...It makes me happy to know that you enjoyed it.