D****t Santiago

a story i wrote when i was 8, about a guy i fought

I'm hitting him, and i'm hitting him

The blood is really flowing

From his eyes to his nose to his mouth

D****t Santiago,

This could've been avoided

You just had to ignore what i said

I'm hitting you, and hitting you

Your screams are getting louder

Loud enough to shake the glass

D****t Santiago,

This all could've been avoided

If you just ignored what i said

Reviews

[H-Jonesy]

I've been in a few fights my self-each one ending with blood and someone getting a broken nose. I can say this-i regret each one.
But this peers into the mind of someone who his beating the dust out of the other-though i would expect it to be more frantic.
But i like this.

On a side note, the name Santiago always gave me chills after i read "Afraid". One of the characters named Santiago was one scary guy, going around killing people the way he did.

Anywho-well done

-Roxy/Harmony

[Cassiopia Summers]

I like the flow in this piece. (: It's real smooth. The words paint a good image, and I think this is a well-done piece.

[Humbirdy]

You were eight?! Now what did you say???? This is a bit suspenseful cause I'm curious of why you and Santiago were fighting. It could be longer, but I guess you were just young when you wrote this, pretty great I must say. If only I knew I wanted to be a writer that young...

[Brian Kraklau]

damn dude got knocked the f**k out!

[sarah]

Wow creepy!

[Deviant Works]

Oooo! Gripping. "From his eyes to his nose to his mouth." Sounds like you pummeled the living daylights out of him and didn't really want too.:) A great read and once again not like anything I have read. You have that ability to always surprise me. I still remember, "Hamburger Helper".

[the-One-with-the-Darkne..]

nice.

[just take a breath]

huh.. iv never been in a fight haha

anyways. you were 8? most 8 year olds dont write this good, so kudos to u! :)
the only thing i would fix is making it longer, but this was a long time ago, so... yea haha

your intensity is pretty amazing in this one! :)

-marissa

[Nicaushio Yamaki]

Nice great work

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

Very....violent. It could have been better & longer. But, you were 8.