The Final Drop CHAPTER 1

AVampireWhoHasIsolatedHimselfFromTheWorldMostOfHisLifeNowHas2JorneyAcrosA treacherous land ncountering creturesOfDiferentVaritys2FaceADredfulParasite named venom who wnts2devour his soul2bcom immortal

The Final Drop.

　

CHAPTER 1

.. Breathing... footsteps. A shadow out of the corner of the eye. Someone is walking through the alley, unaware of his presence. Craving the lust for blood...lurking in the shadows, silently waiting for the prey to appear. The muffled cries of the opponent gradually fade as he goes limp in his arms. He has won. Descended directly from the classical vampires of old, vampires of legend, European nobility in their castles, romantic powerful and Gothic. Consider him of a higher class, but adhering to the old rules and restrictions as part of the deadly intuitions.

          Silently awaiting in the dark abyss, isolating himself from the world. With a meteor shower toppling down in a torrent, luminating the sky. Distantly standing in the corner his eye, lashes a black figure in a dark cloak and yells, "You’ve walked this earth long enough and now you shall perish from the flames at which you came he said as he grasped his blade and jumped with blistering fury hurdling toward the throat of his victim. Barley scratching the surface of his throat he stands up awaiting his reply.As he touched his throat to feel the the wound upon his skin,he leaping up to a fiery strike aiming to the heart of the foe that striked at him and replied ''if you beg for death I shall bestow it to the. But since you have scared me I shall cause the great suffering.'' He missed but landed on top of him causing him to drop his blade and making him smash his head up aginst a big stone,causing his head to gush blood. ''I demand you to reveal your identity'',he demanded while his foe was pend down on the ground.he kicked his feet while he was on the ground launching him off and sending him up to causing both of the to jump up to land on their feet.when he landed he ran toward him with the blade that penetrated his neck.

          His foe out of breath and to week to fight,holding the side of his head that was gushing yells ''Wait!'' he freezes and lets him say what he was going to say. He uncovers himself as Cesious warrior and guardian of Plabrith. ''And why does the wish to destroy me Cesious '',''one has placed a great bounty on the and has hired me to assonate you.'','' Who hired you, I demand you tell me.'','' I...i..i’ve been hired by venom a dark and demonic parasite. He will grant great power to the creature that grants him the body of you.''replied cesious with a tremble in his voice.'','' Why! I insist you tell me!'','' I don't know I don't know! All i know is he dreads in the tower of Draedor.'','' Do you know the way?'','' Yes but...'' But nothing! You must take me!'','' Your not planning on going there do you its suicide do you have a death wish! cesious said in a loud abnoxious way.'',''Well what did you expect me giving you my head on a silver platter Ha! I wont be going down that easy.'' 'it would have be nice'' Cesious said in a mumble. ''If you admire your tongue I suggest you continue with your comments to your self! Ok im sorry im sorry. As Cesious beseeches forgiveness.

         ''Now we shall waste no more time and continue with our journey. Where must we begin we must travel across the land.'','' If we walk to the river in Malbrith it should sling us a straight shot to venom .this path shall lead us there.''cesious said,'' Well lets continue we have a long journey. As Cesious hoisted his sword back into his sash, he said 'so is there a name i can call the or shall I just say sir the whole way. You may call my Strathblen.

CHAPTER 2

Reviews

[See ya]

I think its worth cleaning up a bit. It begins very strong but then it reads like a rough draft. You have used great descriptions but are muffled by the structure of some of the sentences.
As far as finishing it....you have to LOVE the story, in order for your audience to LOVE it too. If you write it half-assed, it will come across as just that to your audience. The writing is strong and i was very impressed.

"You’ve walked this earth long enough and now you shall perish from the flames at which you came {YOU DIDNT CLOSE THE QUOTE HERE} he said as he grasped his blade and jumped with blistering fury hurdling toward the throat of his victim {IMO. HERE THE JUMP SHOULD COME FIRST AND THEN THE BLADE HURDLING WITH BLISTERING FURY TOWARDS THE THROAT...JUST MAKES THE ATTACK MORE INTENSE IF I SEE THE BLADE HURDLING AT SOMEONE.....}. Barley scratching the surface of his throat he stands up awaiting his reply.As he touched his throat to feel the the wound upon his skin,he leaping up to a fiery strike aiming to the heart of the foe that striked at him and replied...
Anyways, small things like this and spelling check would make this worth re-writing.
BUt its up to you.

[Tyler Allen]

Very interesting, though like the previous commentator stated, rushes through it a bit towards the end. Definately keep it going.

[E.H. Monroe]

Needs a kick in the proverbial a*s> starting with action, always interesting. But the rush was on and it felt like you just wanted to finish to get some reviews on the idea. If thats the case, the reader needs some more description of what they have working with.

Imagine if the bible was told the same way, the dimwitted flakes would get a 10 pages manuscript about some guy named jesus who did some stuff.
Split the dialogue, just gets confusing at some parts.

The idea is high energy and so is the potential for a following. One of these bad boys needs to be reverse planned. Almost start from the end so your surprises aren't surprised to you and you have some patience to work with.

Good start

[Rendawg]

is it wrth finishing