The Final Drop CHAPTER 1st

AVampireWhoHasIsolatedHimselfFromTheWorldMostOfHisLifeNowHas2JorneyAcrosA treacherous land ncountering creturesOfDiferentVaritys2FaceADredfulParasite named venom who wnts2devour his soul2bcom immortal

The Final Drop.

　

CHAPTER 1

.. Breathing... footsteps. A shadow out of the corner of the eye. Someone is walking through the alley, unaware of his presence. Craving the lust for blood...lurking in the shadows, silently waiting for the prey to appear. The muffled cries of the opponent gradually fade as he goes limp in his arms. He has won. Descended directly from the classical vampires of old, vampires of legend, European nobility in their castles, romantic powerful and Gothic. Consider him of a higher class, but adhering to the old rules and restrictions as part of the deadly intuitions.

          Silently awaiting in the dark abyss, isolating himself from the world. With a meteor shower toppling down in a torrent, luminating the sky. Distantly standing in the corner his eye, lashes a black figure in a dark cloak and yells, "You’ve walked this earth long enough and now you shall perish from the flames at which you came he said as he grasped his blade and jumped with blistering fury hurdling toward the throat of his victim. Barley scratching the surface of his throat he stands up awaiting his reply.As he touched his throat to feel the the wound upon his skin,he leaping up to a fiery strike aiming to the heart of the foe that striked at him and replied ''if you beg for death I shall bestow it to the. But since you have scared me I shall cause the great suffering.'' He missed but landed on top of him causing him to drop his blade and making him smash his head up aginst a big stone,causing his head to gush blood. ''I demand you to reveal your identity'',he demanded while his foe was pend down on the ground.he kicked his feet while he was on the ground launching him off and sending him up to causing both of the to jump up to land on their feet.when he landed he ran toward him with the blade that penetrated his neck.

          His foe out of breath and to week to fight,holding the side of his head that was gushing yells ''Wait!'' he freezes and lets him say what he was going to say. He uncovers himself as Cesious warrior and guardian of Plabrith. ''And why does the wish to destroy me Cesious '',''one has placed a great bounty on the and has hired me to assonate you.'','' Who hired you, I demand you tell me.'','' I...i..i’ve been hired by venom a dark and demonic parasite. He will grant great power to the creature that grants him the body of you.''replied cesious with a tremble in his voice.'','' Why! I insist you tell me!'','' I don't know I don't know! All i know is he dreads in the tower of Draedor.'','' Do you know the way?'','' Yes but...'' But nothing! You must take me!'','' Your not planning on going there do you its suicide do you have a death wish! cesious said in a loud abnoxious way.'',''Well what did you expect me giving you my head on a silver platter Ha! I wont be going down that easy.'' 'it would have be nice'' Cesious said in a mumble. ''If you admire your tongue I suggest you continue with your comments to your self! Ok im sorry im sorry. As Cesious beseeches forgiveness.

         ''Now we shall waste no more time and continue with our journey. Where must we begin we must travel across the land.'','' If we walk to the river in Malbrith it should sling us a straight shot to venom .this path shall lead us there.''cesious said,'' Well lets continue we have a long journey. As Cesious hoisted his sword back into his sash, he said 'so is there a name i can call the or shall I just say sir the whole way. You may call my Strathblen.

CHAPTER 2

 

Author's Note

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK TELL ME EVEN IF ITS WORTH FINISHING PLEASE PLEASE PLEAE PLEASE tELL ME YOUR FEEDBACK
if you have suggestions to help me improve this story pease dont hesitate to tell me
please note their might be some changes in the future the final drop is a working progress

Reviews

[Chellie]

To start off, i think you have a great story going here, but there are a few thing that I want to point out to improve it for you to make it the best it can be.

First, it is slightly confusing. I wasn't quite sure what was going on the through the whole story. I understood the begining, but I got lost in the middle and then never could figure it out from there. When you write a story it may sound good to you because you know what it is about and what is happening. So read it out loud or have someone else read it for you to make sure it is understandable.

There are a few grammar and spelling errors that are pretty easy to spot if you do a quick read through. Spell check gets most of them, but not al of them, so always make sure to read it through before calling it done.

You have very good sentence structure. You word your sentences both cleverly and skillfully, and that is not something that every writer can do. I think you have a lot of talent, and I would love to see whre this goes.

With a little tuning up this will be a great read. And never stop writing a story or book because you don't get a lot of feedback on it. You have to write for yourself, not for others. If you like this plot and want to write it, then write it.

Keep writing, you have a lot of talent.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

It has potential. You've got the makings of an old fashioned classic vampire tale here. First, start a new line once you've finished your're dialogue for exmaple -
' Who hired you, I demand you tell me.'',
'' I...i..i’ve been hired by venom a dark and demonic parasite. He will grant great power to the creature that grants him the body of you.''
It can be a little jumpy and confusing but I think if you try reading it out loud and go through it you'll find the flow and improve on it.

[Smiter19]

Yes its worth finishing. I agree with Chellie, it is somewhat confusing, but it sent me to the grave, and thats a good thing. HAHAHA!