Blue Dakota

Lost Love

Blue Dakota
 
By:
Richard D. McGehee
 
I don't know why I insist on reliving the night that changed my life forever but here I am again, standing in front of this dilapidated theatre. The wind is sharp and cold as I pinch my eyes closed and focus on the past. The smells of the city fill my nostrils taking my mind back in time.
 
I remember it as though it were yesterday. The weather had started acting up early in the evening and by late night...just past midnight...the skies had given birth to the biggest shower on record in the past five years.
The unmistakable sound of squealing wet rubber tires as they try to find purchase on the slick surface of the road. The squealing faded away instantly, only to be replaced with the sounds of shattering glass and compressing metal.
 
My stomach sank as I watched the light poll buckle, and then snap like a tooth pick under the weight of the Chevrolet Blazer that had been tossed curb side when Larry's Dodge Dakota slammed into it going 80 plus miles an hour. 
 
Blood red rain water gushed down the gutters as I came to a stop just to the side of Larry's Dakota. His motionless form lay sprawled onto rain soaked Downey Street like an unsupported scarecrow with its straw leaking out; Larry's straw ran red down the gutters.
 
Our life together flashed before my memory. My stomach tied itself into knot after painful knot as I fought back the tears that threatened escape from the corners of my eyelids. One tear managed freedom as I watched the paramedics load Larry onto a stretcher and cart his lifeless body away from his once precious Blue Dakota.
 
A comforting hand fell onto my shoulder as Daniel asked “Are you ok?” I shake my head free of the past and look into his kind blue eyes and smile sadly as I muster more control over my emotions and impending tears. “Yes I am fine. Just remembering…can you believe it’s been six years today since Larry was taken from me?” 
 
Daniel returns my smile and gives me a heartfelt hug letting me know he is there in support of my pain and loss. I hug him back and finally lose control of my emotions allowing my tears to flow freely all over his shoulder. Hand in hand Daniel and I walk on into our future while a small piece of me stays locked in the past with Larry and his Blue Dakota.

Reviews

[David Jae]

This starts very well, with some subtle and powerful imagery. The description of the sounds set the scene in a way that goes beyond what simple description could do.

However, the ending is not as strong, as it uses more exposition and you just say what is happening.
E.g.
"...he gives me a heartfelt hug letting me know he is there in support of my pain and loss."
Explaining that so blanantly robs it of it's power and denies the reader the chance to see that for themselves.

Nevertheless, an enjoyable story with real character.

Ganbare