Broken Engagements

Yeah! Your story is off to a great start - wonderful use of details to draw me right into Peyton's life and her upcoming transitions. The description of Peyton finding her fiance in bed with another woman was heart-wrenching, but at the same time, it very clearly shows that she had to end the relationship. Good for her, getting away from that "son of a b***h," and going off to college. Can't wait to read more.

Just a few grammatical errors I caught, so I hope you don't mind if I point them out:

"what lie ahead" should be "what lay ahead"
"Grandmother whom had always loved Peyton" - I think "whom" should just be "who"

Loved it - I always enjoy a good romance. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago

Observations only because this is what appears to be an old post and I am not sure if you're still frequenting the cafe. What incarnation of this book are you posting? is this a rough draft or have you given your hard work the benefit of a review or two? Depending on where you are if you communicate that to your readers it will facilitate our ability to give you feedback. My thought is this: a broken engagement is a solid hook - but you have to set the hook in the first few lines of the story and because a broken engagement is a common theme - your hook has to be deadly sharp. If you're self publishing or just writing because you love to do it - you have more creative room. If you want traditional publication - the reader has to be knocked out in the first page - the first half of it. that is as far as an editor will go to determine if the rest of the work is readworthy. If you're posting this just to get some comments -that's perfectly ok. I was just curious

Posted 8 Years Ago

Yeah! Your story is off to a great start - wonderful use of details to draw me right into Peyton's life and her upcoming transitions. The description of Peyton finding her fiance in bed with another woman was heart-wrenching, but at the same time, it very clearly shows that she had to end the relationship. Good for her, getting away from that "son of a b***h," and going off to college. Can't wait to read more.

Just a few grammatical errors I caught, so I hope you don't mind if I point them out:

"what lie ahead" should be "what lay ahead"
"Grandmother whom had always loved Peyton" - I think "whom" should just be "who"

Loved it - I always enjoy a good romance. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago

whaaaaa NOOO FRANKLIN WHY :c awh that was sad, nice style of writing, good grammar and vocab, keep going c:

Posted 10 Years Ago