My Feminist Adventure (International Women's Day)

Today, as some of you may know, is International Women's Day. In spirit of this I have an experience to share:

One night last week, in a tiny function room, a discussion entitled 'Our Vision for a Feminist Future' was held. Outside the sky was twilight blue, spotted with young stars, but inside the wooden beams and pub tradition of green and red prevailed. It was not long after 7:30pm when I poked my head around the door and asked if I could join the thirty or so women, all sat in a cramped circle. It took a moment -- a moment, mind you, in which they glanced at each other with the doubt that seemed to say ‘a man… really?’ -- before they nodded an invitation for me to sit down, suspicion writ large on their faces. The night that followed was interesting, to say the least, with up-sides and down-sides but let me begin, bluntly, with the latter: the majority of people there seemed adverse, even a little hostile, to my presence. I was only grudgingly allowed in, whenever I helped I got not so much as an eye-brow raise of thanks, and, later, I was even accused of being a journalist*. By then I was beginning to feel like a lamb that had wandered into a den of lions and asked what time supper was.

These were acute reactions to my presence, but something more subtle and more disquieting happened when the diatribes against men in general were brought out of the rusty armoury. It should be noted that in the course of daily life man and feminist are parts of my identity that I find little difficulty in reconciling, but according to the paradigm I found myself in on that night, they were at war with each other -- man and empowered woman as mutually exclusive, abiding enemies. If this were really the case, I would fear that no subjugation, nor discrimination, nor latent misogynistic attitude could ever be resolved. But I do not think this is the case, and the attitude within the room seemed out of kilter with my experience outside it. I wasn't welcome; my identity, uncomfortable to them though not to me, was a thorn in the side of the dominant attitude. Yet I stayed because the subject of discussion was something I believed in as well as they, and when proceedings were coming to a close, when I felt that time was slipping, I put my hand up and asked if I could say a few words . . .

I said that I was thankful to them for letting me sit in, that I was there because I wanted to learn from and engage with women on the issues relevant to all our lives and because I thought that men can and should be a part of any 'Feminist Future'. After that, to their credit, attitudes changed like a tide. The waves came in on my island and I actually had some very pleasant and positive conversations. For instance, a tiny, yet feisty elderly woman and I agreed that the success of feminism is contingent on an effective dialogue with men as equal partners in humanity. We further agreed that from such dialogue might come understanding and mutual respect: keys that could unlock many of the issues under discussion. Somebody bought me a drink, the organiser invited me to go along to another event later in the week, and some attendees approached me to say that I was the bravest person they had ever met.

Whilst complimentary at the time, on reflection it is perhaps worrying. I may have walked into the lion's den as a lamb and gained their respect, but it should not be the case that in order for a man to engage with women in a feminist context he must be ‘brave’.  A man walking into their group might be alien to their experience, he may even represent the object of their oppression, but there is little excuse for perpetuating the atmosphere that prevents reconciliation between genders in the first place; else feminism simply becomes an exercise in spite. Indeed, while some say that the connotations of feminism being anti-men, anti-sex and altogether exclusive are a misperception purveyed by the patriarchy, that night, at least to begin with, feminism earned its ill-gotten reputation.

Whether the genesis of this reputation is self-imposed or patriarchal is not important. What is important, once acknowledged, is the attitude of the feminist movement towards rectifying it. To illustrate: the majority of men I know do not wake up each morning pondering how they can keep women down. Rather, in my opinion, men are as much subject to the pervasive influence of socialisation as women are. Just as women may be brought up to associate with pink and supplication as standards of social normality, men are brought up with blue and aggression. Women may be the victims here, for sure, but there is no conscious male decision on either a personal or systematic basis, and to treat men as willing soldiers of the status quo is nothing but counter-productive. It is the influence, and not the man, that should be fought, and equating the two creates friction between identitites that isolates genders and maintains the type of negative and suspicious attitudes I came up against.

In short, feminists should be able to open ranks and encourage men to join them, seeing in men a rich and untapped vein of perspectives and resources, as well as able partners in the disassembly of misogyny. The instinct of the feminist may be to mistrust men, but acting on such an instinct shuts men out in the cold; vindicating a bad reputation, reinforcing misogyny and constraining feminism to the past, making it an unattractive prospect for today's younger generations. Overcoming this instinct is essential for progress. After all, if men are to embrace feminism, by joining it or supporting it, feminists must open their arms. Within that attitude of inclusivity, transcendent of genders, empowerment can be found, and only such solidarity will ensure the ultimate success of feminism. For this reason we must all do our part to celebrate the contribution of women to society so far, and to take active steps in removing those obstacles that may prevent the realisation of women's potential in the future.

I sincerely believe that it is in the interests of everybody -- as an individual and as a member of a community, whatever our identity -- that this is done. Yet it requires all of us to take a moment and consider the consequences of our actions towards each other. International Women's Day provides just such a moment when, by viewing society through the lens of gender, men can become cognisant to the assumptions of their socialisation and if needs be, challenge it. In turn, women may be able to challenge the negative connotations of feminism by opening it up as an inclusive movement, one in which man and woman are not wary enemies but worthy allies. With that in mind, an effective inter-gender dialogue can truly be started. Then together we can strive for relationships of reciprocity and mutual empowerment on a personal level, and an atmosphere of love on a social level. It may sound twee but that is my vision for a feminist future.

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Further reading: Why We Need International Women's Day

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* I swear I didn't go along with the intention of writing this up! But having gone, the experience kinda necessitated it.