Feminist Epiphany

Biography & Memoir / Essay

I had a feminist epiphany the other day…

I was in a pub minding my own business, reading The Grapes of Wrath and drinking a Guinness, when a guy (let’s call him Person A) walked in. His friend (Person B) was at the bar, and said, ‘What took you so long?’ Person A replied that he had just helped a woman, who had fallen, to get back up again. Person B responded, with much guffawing, ‘Did you give her a bit of (then pretending to grope) wheeey?’ Person A, Person B and the bartender all laughed.

What does this situation reveal to you? Is it just some men being a little bit rude, a little bit cheeky, a little bit naughty in the company of other men? Boys will be boys and there’s no harm done. Or is it a casual joke about sexual assault, with a rather more perturbing undertone?

For them, they would no doubt cite the former: It’s just a joke, no harm no foul. But imagine for the moment that this behaviour is indicative of a social and cultural norm larger and more insidious than themselves, in which it is considered okay to commit or condone sexual assault because that’s just what we do; we’re just men and that’s just the way we’re wired. But is that ‘just’ justifiable?

It may be ‘natural’ for a heterosexual male to be sexually attracted to a female but what we may consider to be natural is, to me at least, not an excuse when it comes to our behaviour. What is natural is not always moral (like your great Uncle Tom’s nudism at a children’s tea party), and what is moral is not always natural (like vegetarianism). So we cannot wholly depend on this concept of what is ‘natural‘ in order to determine the morality of our behaviour in modern society.

To return to the situation above, it is necessary to determine the effect of such behaviour promulgated on a wider level, and ask ourselves: ‘What kind of world do we live in where it is acceptable, even among friends, to joke about sexually assaulting somebody else?’ Really, ask yourself, what does it tell you about the state of our society when the object of our humour lies explicitly in taking advantage of another person whilst they are in a position of temporary vulnerability, and then in not valuing or respecting them as a human being? What if I was to tell you that one group regularly does exactly this to another, both in jest and in life?

I don’t know about you, but it tells me that something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Men look to other guys to define what it means to be a man, and often humour is an essential part of that. Unfortunately, however, the butt of our jokes are also quite often those we don’t value as highly as ourselves (Owen Jones explored this from a class angle, in his great book Chavs: The Demonisation of the Working Class). The function of this type of humour, then, seems to be to remind we men of our superiority. And the result of this type of humour is that prejudice is often reinforced, even if that isn’t the intention.

What’s important to remember is that jokes don’t exist in a vacuum. Indeed, humour that could be construed as being ‘sexist’, like Person B joking about sexually assaulting a woman, is built on centuries of denigration and subjugation, of rape and assault, of disrespect and non-value, that one gender has forced upon another. That’s why a woman telling a joke that denigrates men doesn’t usually have the same hurtful potential as a man telling a joke that denigrates women. Particularly in this situation, a distinction should be made. If the joke refers to one person then it is insulting. If the joke refers to a whole group of people then it embodies an attitude, held by the joker (and perhaps those tickled by it).

In this light there may be two reasons why Person B chose to make a joke that had those undertones and connotations: Intentional sexism or simple ignorance. Neither, in my view, are particularly satisfactory justifications. In the former case it is wrong, pure and simple (you shouldn’t need me to tell you that). In the latter, sexism may be like getting a stone in your shoe. It doesn’t necessarily hurt but you sure as hell know it’s there. He should know better. We are after all, and at the end of the day, accountable for our actions. And micro-actions, though seemingly innocuous at first, when done often enough, can have macro-effects.

So with this in mind I hopped on Google and had a look around. Eventually I found the White Ribbon Campaign, a male-led charitable organisation that, in their own words, ‘encourages men and boys to examine their own attitudes and behaviour and to learn to challenge sexism and violence around them’. I joined them in making a pledge never to ‘commit, condone, or remain silent about violence against women’, and I’d greatly encourage you, dear reader, whoever you are, to check them out.

Reviews

[Sujash I. Purna]

Another great essay from you! I checked out the website!
You really have a lot in your satchel to bring some at a time and make people think things through...Great job!