She Walks In Beauty Lost

Write what you know. When I was sixteen years old I was in a major car accident that changed my outlook on life.

In the dark of night
Nurses shaking me awake
"You have to get up, your parents want  to talk to you."
blah blah blah
I can't make sense of their words
 "Can't transfer the call"
Stumble grasping at their hands
"You have to walk now"
To where?
My thoughts flounder
Nausea rolls through me
My head feels fuzzy
Shuffle my feet a few more inches
I just want to lay back down
I don't want to be here
What is wrong with me?
I try not to throw up
I slide into a chair in the nurses station
Where are my clothes
What am I wearing
Oh.
Hospital gown.
Phone thrust against my ear
Try to cradle it
Is this important?
My mothers frantic voice,
"mommy?"
"she is alright Patrick"
Some one is crying in the back ground...
Patrick is my fathers name
Clarity cuts through the drugged haze
Panic
My father is crying
cut to next scene
fade to black
Blank memory gone


Awake
Was it all a bad dream?
In a hospital bed
The nurse has come to check on me
"Your parents are coming today"
She won't look me in the eye
My face feels dirty
Covered in dried blood
Parts of my hair stiff with it
"Can some one help me wash up some?"
Nurse is huffy
No one will help me
But she can bring me some stuff to clean up with

In and out of consciousness
Flashes of the day before
My lip is split to my nose
My face is covered in blood
"We were in an accident"
Facial lacerations
We lost count at one hundred and twenty stitches
We pulled out as much as we could find
Glass still embedded in the skin
X-Ray CAT scan

There is no time here
Drugged sleep
Concussion robs me of certain memories
Nurse returns with wash cloths
"I have left them in the bathroom for you"
My parents are coming, I should clean up some
I don't want them to worry
It is just a lot of dried blood
Legs out of bed
Stand, stagger
Why wont they help me with this?
Anger tears, pissed at the world

Still attached to the IV
Roll the IV while fumbling along
Bathroom seems so far but it is maybe ten feet
Pitch forward, wobble lurch
I have made it to the door
Grasping the door frame for dear life
I won't fall
My head spins
I continue on
Three more feet
My hands catch the edge of the sink
Anchor and brace myself
I am determined to stay on my feet

Glance up
Stranger in the glass
I don't recognize myself at first
Befuddled staring at my reflection
Who is this poor girl in front of me
Cut apart
Stitched back together
Like some creature brought back to life
Swollen, bruised
Disfigured
I reach out and touch the mirror

That's me
Horror dawns on me
I understand why they wouldn't look me in the eye now
Tears burn their way down my cheeks
Stinging my open wounds
Anguish
My legs buckle
Only my hands desperately holding onto the sink keeps me from falling
Sobs wrack my body
I let go and fall the rest of the way to the floor
Fetal position
Alone

Time has gone by
I don't know how long I have been like this
My eyes burn
But all my tears are cried out
Small hiccuping sobs surround me
I want them to stop
Breath
In out count to ten
Try to stand
I get to my knees just to fall again
Finally I get my feet under me
Turn the water on in the sink
Hot water only
Blistering hot
Damp cloth
Try and wash the monster away

I clean some of the dried blood off
But that just seems to open more wounds
Then they bleed fresh
Wash cloth was white
Now it is pink with my blood
From some where inside I find fresh tears
I scrub
Make it go away
I am screaming inside
Gap in the memory
Deleted
Missing 

I don't know how but I am back in the hospital bed
My face feels stiff taunt with scabs
I glance up
I recognize him
My brother is here
He meets my gaze but walks past
I call out
"Andrew, is that you?"
Why didn't he come in?
I hear his foot steps pause
He slowly turns back
He steps into the room
I can see he brought me a small sprig of baby roses
They are a pale shade of pink

I meet his eyes
I can see pain there
He smiles
But I know he doesn't mean it
It is forced
The corners of his mouth just a little to tight
Then I understand
He didn't recognize me

I am lost to me
That reflection
That innocence
What would I do to get it back
I left a young girl of sixteen
She is lost forever

Reviews

[Simple_mee]

Its beautiful...sad yet nothing less than a masterpiece. Very powerful.
Provokes u to consider the harsh realities of life...

[Coyote Poetry]

Poem brought me in with mystery. I couldn't understand why the nurses wouldn't help. Description and detail was amazing. To be the one in a hospital bed hurt and suffering would be difficult to describe. You did describe it and made a strong and powerful poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Katseye]

Wow, powerful, and sadly beautiful. So hard to move forward, when you have to rediscover yourself.

[Millionth Muse]

Heartfelt indeed. This was very thought provoking...and very sad, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful. Poetry is the best way to purge the soul, in my opinion, and sometimes these purgings make the best pieces.