Alice in... a Nightmare

Dreams get really freaky sometimes.

                Little Alice was wandering through the woods that day. Her parents were busy; her dad was reading the newspaper, smoking his pipe while her mother was doing needlepoint. They wouldn't miss her. Little Alice always loved exploring, and recently, she discovered a large, white house in the middle of the forest on her property. Before leaving, she grabbed her best friend Jane, and they set off for the house.

                It was a fall morning, with the sun streaming between the leaves on the trees, a canopy of color above. The ground was littered with dead leaves that softly crunched underneath their feet as they walked and ran to the house which increased in size the closer they got. Despite being raised to be proper young ladies, the little girls shrieked in delight when little branches snagged their fine dresses and leaves flew into their hair.

                At last, they reached the manor. It towered over the two small girls with its multiple stories. Out front was a little statue, and beneath the statue was a plaque. It read, “The Morgan Family Manor. Est. 1924”

                “Whoa,” cried Jane, “this house is really old! I wonder what’s inside it!” She opened the rusty gate. The creak silenced the woods around them, even the wind that had accompanied them, and she thundered up the sagging porch steps, pressing her face against the dusty window.

                “It’s really dark in here!” Jane cried out to Alice, who hadn't moved a muscle. She was still outside the gate, which swung back and forth in the breeze, the creak sending shivers down Alice’s spine. She couldn't remove her gaze from the statue, shaped like an angel. It was copper once upon a time, but time hadn't been kind to it; it was completely green, and looked as if it had tear stains down its face. Looking closer, she read that the angel was called the Angel of Death Victorious.

                “Umm... Jane… maybe we should go home now,” Alice said, her voice small and timid in the face of death.

                Jane giggled, pounded down the steps, and grabbed her friend’s sleeve, pulling her towards the window. “Oh, don’t be such a baby!” Her eyes lit up and her mouth grew into a grin. “I know! Let’s go inside! Let’s see what’s in there!” Not waiting for Alice’s response, she turned the knob and swung the door open, peering inside.

                Lights from outside poured into the windows above, showing dust sifting through the air. The other floors were removed to reveal a high ceiling, with many windows, all alighting the inside of the manor. Strewn around the room were many different odds and ends: farming equipment, tables of books, even personal belonging such as antique hairbrushes. The odd part was it was all roped off.

                “Ohhh! Alice, come look at these!” her friend cried, running over to a display of photo albums. Alice slowly walked around and took in the surroundings. She looked around and found an old antique mirror, seeing herself: a small, skinny girl of seven, a red bow tied up in her white, fine hair, a pale blue and white checkered dress down to her knees with cuts below them, all the way down to her Mary Janes. She saw her friend in the background, with her pink headband holding back deep brown ringlets. Her purple dress was fitted, her white stockings torn and stained with dirt down to her matching Mary Janes. In the reflection, she noticed her friend reaching for something.

                “DON’T!” Alice shrieked, but wasn't sure why. The surroundings reminded her of a museum, so maybe that was why she didn't want her friend to touch, out of habit. But she felt something odd with the building, a certain chill to the air.

                Jane sassily cocked a hip, her big lips forming a pout. “C’mon Alice, why are you being no fun! Fine, let’s go look at this hairbrush! It looks really pretty.” Alice crept over and joined her friend as they marveled at the intricate designs on the handle. Jane seemed so enthralled with it, she forgot her friend’s warning and reached to touch it. When her fingers made contact with the handle, Jane stopped moving.

                “Jane? Jane! Jane, let’s go! Stop it, you’re scaring me!” Alice cried, shaking her friend’s arm. Slowly, Jane turned around and stared at her. “J-Jane? It’s me, Alice. I’m your friend, remember?” Alice said timidly, her voice growing smaller and smaller.

                “Jane isn't here anymore,” her friend’s voice said, but slowly grew deeper in tone. Her friend’s lips curled into a smile that wasn't her friend’s smile, and then her eyes rolled to the back of her head, revealing the whites of her eyes. “Run Alice. Run.”

                Alice shrieked at the top of her lungs and bolted for the door, but found it locked. Panicking, she saw her friend coming towards her, closer and closer, until she noticed there was a door in the back. Flying by her possessed friend, she swung the door open and noticed a graveyard with the angel guarding a headstone in the back corner. She swore she saw it move and stare at her, its stone mouth curling into a smile, one hand beckoning her to it. She ran as fast as she could away from the house, away from her friend, and away from that statue.

                Exhausted, she collapsed at a creek, her whole tiny frame shaking. Her face was stained with tears as her shoulders shook with grief and fear. She knew she’d have a story to tell when she got home, if only anyone would believe her.

Author's Note

I apologize if it really isn't scary, it's just a short story I wrote based off of a dream I had. And feedback at all would be greatly appreciated :)

I had this dream, and then scrolling through Tumblr sometime, I saw this image of a creepy angel statue and a story with it. Like in my story, it's called, "Angel of Death Victorious" if you want to see more pictures of it.

An added note: This is only a short story. There isn't much to it. I only wrote what I remembered of my dream. If I ever want to elaborate on this, then I'll come back and publish an updated version. But for now, it's only a short story, a small snippet of what happened.

Reviews

[Britt Foster]

This is a great concept, but you leave the reader hanging! I wanna know what happened to Jane -- is she forever possessed, does she just stay in the house and do nothing, does she follow Alice? You could add a more spooky overtone by lightening up on the unimportant details (such as what they are wearing) and focus instead on buffing up the creepiness. The dialogue is a little unrealistic at parts, too -- I would suggest reading it out loud and cutting it depending on what seems natural for you to say. For example, when Jane turns toward Alice with the hairbrush, it would be more powerful if you omitted the "I'm your friend, remember?" part -- because at this point in real life, someone probably wouldn't say that. They would say something more along the lines of "J-Jane? Are you....?" and then have her start stepping backwards, afraid. Something like that, anyway. I loved this all in all though; keep up the good work!

[QuirkyPanda]

Thanks for the review! I know I left it hanging, but it was all I remember in my dream, and I like writing short stories: just a short snippet of what happened. If I ever want to build on this some time in the future, I have this section here. I'm just glad that it's somewhat coherent xD whenever I write my dreams into shorts like these, I feel like I'm sacrificing making sense to keep true to my dream. And I've noticed that I have a tendency to be descriptive when I'm writing xP But thank you very very very much for taking the time to review this, I need to hear opinions besides my own xP

[Britt Foster]

Yeah, me too. I love anything constructive I can get, so I try to send that energy out to people. You're a great writer!

[QuirkyPanda]

Thank you, it means a lot to hear that :)

[Saol Ryderl]

man, you had a dream like that! lol that would have freaked me out. Good stuff though!

[QuirkyPanda]

Thank you for the comment! :) I'll admit, I added some embellishments to create a story out of my dream. I mostly only remember a large house like I described in the middle of a fall wood, and it was haunted. I think it had my sister, but I had to run away and I was afraid to fall back asleep x.x Oddly enough, I fell asleep with my iPod in and, "Smile," by Avril Lavigne as playing.
Sorry for ranting xD Thank you again for your time :)

[tyokon]

This story is interesting. I honestly just randomly picked the story to read not knowing that it was suppose to be scary. I thought it was going to be a light hearted short because it started out with kids. The bold character Jane is stricking to the reader, but I wish there would have been more consequence at the conclusion of the story. The only result was that Alice had a story to tell, I think there could have been something more profound at the end like discovering that Jane never existed at all.

[QuirkyPanda]

Thank you for taking the time to read my writing and to give a review :) I purposely made the story open-ended because it isn't finished exactly. It's all I remember of my dream, really. I know this story has room to add on more content, but I just haven't gotten around to it. I liked what I had though, so I put it up :) Again, thank you for your time :)

[tyokon]

Your welcome:)

[Wolfwind]

I agree dreams can get really crazy at times. Thanks for sharing the tale that you spun from one of yours. It's always interesting to catch a glimpse of another persons dreamrealm. They are as different and diverse as people themselves.
Certainly could be made into a longer story if you ever wished to. This would make for a great intro!

Great Ink!
Aaron - Wolfwind

[QuirkyPanda]

Thank you for giving your time to read and review this :)