The Pieces of Her

A girl, so soft and fragile, is a piece of glass.

Light flowing through her,

sparkling on everything around her.

A boy finds the glass,

enchanted by its beauty, feeling something special within the glass.

This kind of boy, though, is cold and ruthless,

And smashing the glass to the ground,

Breaking her.

Another boy comes along,

Soft, sweet, and gentle to the touch.

Being soft and sweet, he tries to fix her,

Piecing together the broken shards,

But ends up just as hurt,

Just as broken.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Hmmm.... I like what you have here... but I felt that it might have been a bit smoother in it's flow. Perhaps something like this....

"A girl, soft and fragile, like a diamond
Light flowing through
Sparkling upon all that surrounds her.

A boy finds this Gem of a girl
Enchanted by her beauty, feeling special within her rainbow"

(Thus the repetive use of the word glass goes away and the image of a girl that is like a prism comes into play.) Just an idea...

The rest of the piece is good and takes a smoother flow.
Overall it's a nice idea of ink. =)

Thanks for sharing!
Aaron - Wolfwind

[QuirkyPanda]

Yeah, I could tell it was a little rough xP I edited a smidge before I posted it, but oh well xP It's one of my older poems as well. Thank you for the different perspectives :)