Circling the Thought

A little something I constructed. Since all my thoughts circle back to him I figured it'd make an interesting style.

 

Laugh or cry. Laugh at the irony of 5 years going by with each person having a crush on the other or cry at the fact all that time was wasted. I guess I can't complain, at least I got it off my chest. At least he responded with the same feeling.

 

The same feeling. Each day going by, filled with the same dissapointment within myself. Maybe I did something wrong, maybe he's just grounded or lost his phone. The last thing he said was "you get back okay?" so I couldn't have messed up, or at least not much.

 

Not much. My reply when people ask me how I'm feeling. What else can I say? My heart is a couple miles away from me, close enough for me to feel the beat but too far for me to reach. Not to be confused with something that you want but can't have. I willingly gave it away to a gorgeous, promising boy who I have surrendered all my trust to. For now I can only look back on those last moments I held it in my chest, protecting it and holding it, not letting anyone get too close.

 

Too close. Something he could never be to me. Holding me protectively or playfully. His touch is my drug and it will most likely be my downfall, though my faith in relationships has been replenished and I have full confidence in us. Longing to at least hear his voice, he can never be close enough is what I find.

 

I find that standing before a person who understands the innermost parts of you is a moment of reckoning of sorts. Here is this person who knows so many of the faults and mistakes you have tried desperately to move past and forget, and they still love you. It’s similar to having your heart ripped from your chest, and then tenderly replaced… you do not know if you should laugh or cry.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated as well as questions and comments.