Story of Kathlene

 

                    1. Kathlene

 

    As I think of what has happened before Derick came and took me in I weep of the burning of my home and the loss of my regular human life.

         I was walking home from school, Kiltime High, feeling scared and alone. Scared because my family is now an enemy from the town because of my father being mayor and his decision in money for the town and alone because I have no one to be there for me as a friend, or a family member. Before I got to the street of my house, I start seeing smoke, big dark heeps of it swarming up into the sky. Thinking it was not my home, I was walking my regular pace...Then the pace started speeding up until it was a full dash sprint to the street with the smoke... Then I saw it, my home, burning to the ground and people cheering. I stop dead two houses away, wanting to scream my lungs out, because I was full of terror. What if they come after me is what I thought so I ran to an ally at the other end of town. It was probably four o'clock at the time so I started to doze off, but then I saw him... a beedy, red eyed, pale vampire, I could tell he was starved, his fangs were fully exstended and he was stiffing the ally. I was terrified and I knew the faster my heart beats' the faster he will find where I am hiding. I tryed moving to the corner of the ally, but all I did was knock of trash and reveal where I was. He spotted me, he smiled, and he attacked me. I tried kicking, punching, yet nothing worked, he stood his ground nothing I did seemed to faze him. He took hold of my wrists, pushed me to the wall and bit my neck and I screamed. Thats when Derick came and attacked the other vampire. All he really did was rip out half of all his hair out of his head so blue blood was  seeping out then he pulled something out of his pocket and stuck it into the side of ther other vampire. After the vampire was off of me, Derick ask if I was all right but I all I could do is stare at him, he extended a hand and I refused. I got up and started to walk away then started swaying and fell. "I told you to come with me!" he growled, he lifted me onto his back and the last thing I saw was his hair in my face, and last thing i heard was "Lucky I was here to save your a*s..."

         Since then he make me repay my life to him. I have had to take tests to see if I have gotten any supposed powers. And I have, if I look anyone in the eyes I can tell what they plan for their future, or what they want. And since I told Derick that sometimes he makes me look at him and I see darkness and him keeping me as his lacky forever. I think he has a power but he won't tell me. "Kathlene open the door!" a soft, but strong voice commanded, "You made me lose my train of thought! Now go away Derick!" I mumbled. The door swings open and the six foot, multi-colored eyed, thin, powerful, intelligent and menipulative C.E.O walked into the room holding a needle. "NO!" I screamed and I jumped to the window and felt my fangs slowly and painfully extending. I needed to get out of there! The shot...is to keep my anger under control. When i get angery is when I get red eyes and fangs or when I turn into a half vampire and that is the only time I can use my power. "Kathlene now!" he jumped at me and I couldn't move fast enough to the door. I fully extended my teeth and I saw his eyes, with the power I have comes utter pain because I feel what the person is thinking. I stopped and screamed. Derick stepped on my stomach so I landed to the floor with a crash and ingected the needle to my neck. "If you would just take the needle you wouldn't have to feel that pain." he looked me in the eyes and laughed, because he knew I couldn't tell what he was thinking but I can tell his moods from his eye color. And it was a deep color of violet, which ment he was was mocking me from what he was thinking, but also he was hiding something. Something big.

Reviews

[Smile It's Megan&hearts..]

I'm looking forward to the rest of the book. Well what do you know! Its already here and done and I'm just reviewing this now when I already thought I had reviewed it! How weird? Totally. I'll continue to review sis. Keep writing. :P

[Twilight]

Although this is quite interesting to read, it could be presented more effectively. For example, it would be easier to follow your narrative, if it was divided into more paragraphs. Also, some of the sentences are rather long?

It does seem as if, you really got into the main character! I mean, you have expressed so many of her thoughts and feelings! Another way to make this chapter better, might be to say a little more about the appearance of locations, individual objects and so on? In some ways, the pace is unnecessarily fast, but that may just be your stylistic choice?

Curiously, the tense changes more than I expected? There are a few spelling errors, so those ought to be corrected in due course. Thankyou, for adding this to our "Beyond Fantasy" Group!