Suburban Dream

  Once upon a time we were a family of five. Our habitat was the suburbs and we had comfortable lives. 

But our life was a facade, an immaculate dream, though our smiles were wide, nothing was as it seemed. Let me take you back to a cool October night, mommy and daddy were having a fight. What started the fight, well nobody knows. But that night I remember it quickly turned to blows. I sat hurdled on my bed with my sister and brother, if anything happened at least we'd have each other. Daddy called mommy every rotten name and she cried and cried, I could just hear the shame. They screamed and screamed as glass kept breaking, but that's not what exactly had us all shaking. Through gritted teeth I heard my dad's words spew, that he'd end mommy's life and take the kids too. The riverbeds under our eyes leaked, and leaked, but for fear of our lives we didn't dare to speak. Mommy cried and cried until we heard Daddy smack her down, she was quiet for a while in her tears she drowned. I heard daddy  swoop down to pick mommy up around the remains of their shattered "I love you" coffee cup. All was quiet and but we dared not make a sound. For fear the demon in Daddy was still lurking around. The cops never came, the neighbors couldn't be bothered, daddy knew he wouldn't be betrayed by the children he fathered. Within a few hours mommy tucked us into bed, and from that day forward her eyes always seemed dead. 

Author's Note

My therapist said months, and months ago to write about the most tragic experience of my life in a letter or a note. I choose a fairy tale, because rhyming makes everything sound lovely right? Sorry if this seems attention whoreish but I needed to get this out of my head, reviews are very welcome :)

Reviews

[Will Neill]

A story with a poem, fairy tales have always been my favorite type of story telling, this was quite a story-I would break it up into two paragraphs just at the words 'Through gritted teeth' this would allow the reader to pause, and accentuate the finale. It is the best theraphy to write and get rid of all the emotions-it makes for a true author. I hope you keep writing more stories.
Regards
Will

[Baby Ricochet]

Beautifully crafted account of a child's living nightmare. Outstanding job QC

[QuietlyCrash]

Thank you so much BR :)

[readybob]

A very well written piece of prose and he title is very ironic, but fitting. I really like the part of the mother's eyes.

[QuietlyCrash]

Thank you so much, I appreciate the review :)

[quinfinn]

this never went on in my home, but i have known many families who had their share of trauma and drama. hell, i even threatened a friends father once to keep him from beating on his wife, of course, i was never welcome in their home again...men like this should be led out to a pasture and flogged with a chain...then forced to dress like a sissy until they can respect women .....excellent write, i think it would very well ...formatted as verse and posted as a poem!

[QuietlyCrash]

Thank you so much for the kind review. I totally agree any man who condones "tough love" deserves to eat his own balls.

[s y e]

Wow, this brought tears to my eyes, Riley. :( It's a sad time when the child witnesses something as tragic as this. A young child should never have to witness domestic violence, especially not from a loved one but that's life, it does happen and it's tragic, it's painful and scary to see.

You have written this so well and really got the emotions spot on, you made me feel like I was there and got me all teary. I think this was such a brave, mature thing to do. Sometimes writing out the scariest moments, or about life can help get some of the emotions out.

Wow, I am honestly speechless, well done.

~ Noodle.

[QuietlyCrash]

Thank you sooo much for taking the time to review this Noodle! I am touched that you like this story. It's the first time I've ever gotten incredibly personal and I was worried about sharing too much. But all in all I'm glad I did, thank you for your kind words.
Have a stupendous day,
Riley :)

[s y e]

My pleasure. I know what you mean, but sometimes the best writes are the ones that from the heart.

Have an awesome day! (:

[Brett Pritchard]

A heart breaking piece on all to common situation.
It's a terrible thing as a child to be exposed to domestic violence and all of the fall out that accompanies it.
A child seeing a side of mom and dad that they really shouldn't have to. A side that as far as they're concerned shouldn't exist at all. But all too often reality doesn't allow us that luxury.

This is a brave piece QC. It goes without saying you need to have lived through and witnessed this to be able to write this. My thoughts are with you, I know it's not an easy thing to have seen. Confusing for a child I know. That's why we write. We write to expel our demons.

I love your writing.

[QuietlyCrash]

Wow, thank you so much for the compliment and the kind review. It was a very awful and dark period of our lives, and there are still pieces of it that linger to this day. But it gave me the perfect motivation to never put my kids in that position. And I like what you said. We write to expel our demons. I'd drink to that ha.
-RIley :)

[Brett Pritchard]

Absolutely. Cheers! 😉

[Troy Henson]

As children these are defining moments in our lives. A memory they burn into our subconscious and haunts us forever. Management of these is important and I hope that you find happiness and continue to write as an outlet.
A very moving, emtional and frightening piece. Imagery was brilliant and drew me in.
Well done
Regards
Troy

[QuietlyCrash]

Thank you so much Troy, I really appreciate your kind words. Writing has and always will be my outlet, thank you for taking the time to review :)
- Riley

[Troy Henson]

Anytime :)

[Cool Handless Luke]

tragic and more prevalent than we hear about. heartbreaking that such a story, well written and phrased, is all too real.

[QuietlyCrash]

Thank you for reviewing, it is an awful thing and I would hate for anyone else to go through it.

[Angi]

We really do absorb everything like a sponge when we are young. This piece made my eyes prickle. Angi~

[QuietlyCrash]

Thank you so much for reviewing. I was a little hesitant about posting this because most of what I write isn't directly related to me, and this is a very private, very personal write. But I needed it out my mind.

[Angi]

Some of the best pieces come from the gut.

[QuietlyCrash]

This is true :)

[SyberRose]

A very sad story...its a shame when violence happens especially in front of innocent children...but you expressed yourself and I hope the therapist helped with his suggestions...:)

[QuietlyCrash]

It really did help. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review :)

[SyberRose]

You are welcome:)