Hot and Cold

This poem started out to be a nice, sweet write, but I left it alone for a few days and thats how quick things change. Thats why I called this hot and cold. Want it, then everything goes to s**t.

Hot and Cold

Last week, I wanted

Nothing more then

To have you out of my life

But now, I don’t want you gone

I want you, I crave you

I hold everything back

All the feelings,

Every emotion I have for you

It just doesn’t come out

Because I’m scared

So terrified of you

I try to run

My feet never leave the ground

I try to let you go

But you go no where

Any other guy

Would have been gone

The moment things hit the fan

But you didn’t, you’d stayed

There’s plenty of girls

Out there in the sea

That are way more beautiful

That should mean something

There’s got to be a reason

But now I’m not so sure

I always feel like

I’m never good enough

Or worth the time

I wish you’d care more

I fall from you

And you never catch me

I don’t understand how

Things can be great one minute

And horrible the next

We got to figure this out

Cause I can’t keep living this way

Sad, happy, depressed, joyful, then lost

I just want one mood when it comes to us

Don’t you see, that I’m still here

Can’t you tell, I’m real?

Why do you see past that

How come we can’t just be

There’s always theses complications

Our relationship is like quicksand

We can’t breath, we sink, but fight it

But once its time to swallow us

We’ll be a part, it won’t be my fault

If you knew about all of this

Why on earth would you have tried with me

Now that its here and your life is beginning

Your leaving me behind, just like everyone else

Your no different, then anyone I’ve ran into

Don’t expect me to be there in the end

Because once you forget me, I never forgive

So take me or leave me

I’m not going to stick around

To find out what happens next

Reviews

[Mike Espinosa]

This is interesting. The emotional complications are intriguing, but belong in different poems, or at least different stanzas.

I would suggest breaking this up into stanzas. This would be to show a turning point, or the varying topics at hand.

Try to avoid cliches. They are irritating most of the time. I am guilty of this as well, but I try to get rid of them as soon as I realize they are there. In this poem, "There’s plenty of girls / Out there in the sea / That are way more beautiful" made me yell at my computer for a second. The "plenty of fish in the sea" idiom is overused and the phrasing works fine without it. i.e. "There’s plenty of girls / That are way more beautiful"

Try to be more consistent with your punctuation. You use 1 question mark throughout the poem. I would have found that to be unimportant, but you asked other questions after that without any punctuation. It seems a little sloppy, but it's easy to fix.

I'd also watch some of your spelling. It took me out of the moment when I came across those kind of errors.

This is a good start though. Just some tweaking should fix it all up. Good job.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the term hot and cold. Life is a wild journey. We don't appreciate the good things till they are gone and can't be found again. I tell people be careful what you say. Words can burn the heart forever. I like this poem. It is fruitful to know what the other person wants. A strong poem with a purpose to know what somebody wants.. A excellent poem.
Coyote