I’m Sorry..

When I say "Puff", its hookah im smoking.

I’m Sorry..

 

With every puff

And every sip

Turns into shots

More inhaling

 

Why do I do this

After all is done

I can’t help but think

What would my mother say..

 

If they only knew

What I do outside

This house I live in

But it could be worse

 

I could be doing drugs

But I’m not, I never will

I made that promise

And it will never break

 

I can say I know my limit

But I feel if you knew

Anything I was doing

You wouldn’t approve

And that’s what kills me..

Reviews

[floarealbastra10]

great poem

[Brown Bull]

I liked this poem very much. Anything we say truthfully is good.
The question is what would you say if you knew everything that your mother did in her life! Ditto to much of what Mike said.

In my human life, I was a kid in the 60's and have never even smoked a joint.

BB

[Mike Espinosa]

This is another interesting poem. Your anxiety about hiding things about yourself is portrayed well.

One of the things that bothered me is the inconsistent punctuation. It's a pet peeve of mine. It's not very important, but my ocd makes me bring it up. To me, it seems like there are 2 sentences in this poem and they are both terrible run-on sentences.

I can't say I understand the second stanza. I don't know what you're referring to, so the fear is lost on me.

I would edit the third stanza heavily. This isn't necessary, but I think it would read better as, "If they only knew / What I do outside this house / It could be worse." I assume you're going for a 4-line stanza pattern, but I don't think you need to be so strict on your stanzas.

Later, "I could be doing drugs / But I’m not, I never will" shows a cool rhetoric, but I don't think you need that much to it. I think "But I'm not, never" would be good enough, maybe even a break between the two (i.e. "But I'm not / Never") could suffice. I don't think "And it will never break" is completely necessary in that stanza either. It feels a bit redundant.

Other than that, this is a good poem. It's a great start, just needs some editing. Good job.

[the_stoic]

don't do drugs ! its okay if u smoke ciggs .. most of us don't disclose everything that we do . that's common