Something Else

Something Else

I would love to see myself
Through another pair of eyes
Just to witness what they see
And experience a different feeling

I would like to find myself
Walking in another pair of shoes
To see what they are going through
Maybe my life isn’t so bad

I would like to observe myself
Living in another thing
Just to feel what its like
To be a beautiful red rose

I would love to see myself
Taking a different road
This one I am on is
Too rocky and breakable..

Reviews

[kewlbluetiger]

Very thoughtful poem. I think many of us feel this way at some point or reflect on this idea. (By the way I know I've said this more than once about your work) which is a very cool thing. Not so sure about this stanza...
"I would like to observe myself
Living in another thing
Just to feel what its like
To be a beautiful red rose"

I know rose imagery is big for you. I think it's the word "thing" that bothers me. Take another look. Overall I love this write- it's great! You have so much talent!

[lindsay]

I like this poem because it makes me think about something I always ask myself. I really enjoy poems that make me think about something. I love that even though there wasn't any rhyming, it still flows effortlessly. A really beautiful write!

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

Ah, a minimalist poem. I'm a big fan of the three or four verse structure. For the most part it flows well (I'll comment on that later), and impacts the mind strongly that you just want to see yourself clearly and see things differently.

I want you to realize that I am very much a critic, and look at poems as works in progress. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, or throw it out. Also, I mean no offense.

Two things are being conveyed here: 1. You want to observe yourself through other eyes, and 2. You want to experience life as someone else.
That being said, I feel like it kind of dances around the real issue. At the very last verse, you say your present situation is "rocky", and your path "breakable". I am left wondering what exactly this situation is?

There are many vaguenesses that would be better served as specifics. "what they see"... What do they see? "a different feeling". What is different? "what they are going through". What are they going through? "my life isn't so bad". "What's wrong with your life?

I'm sure you get where I'm going. One of the things that makes a good poem are strong images or thoughts.

In the third verse you mention being a rose, which contrasts with what you've been saying in the first two verses about being another person.

In the fourth verse, the last line does not flow well, although the imagery is sound and poignant. I think this is because of the two K sounds. That being said, this line is different in subject from the rest of the lines, and could be intentionally left this way to serve as a jarring end.

So there it is. I love to see the minimalist style and will hopefully see more of your work soon.

[Dianah]

Good thoughts. Makes me think of a line by Robbie Burns, the Scottish poet. 'The greatest gift that God could gi(v)e us, to see ourselves as others see us' (probably not an accurate quote). It is good to be able to see things from a different viewpoint.

[Looouise]

Very good.
I like dit :]
Observing :]

[BluesForTheRisingSun]

a reflective poem which i think many people can relate to (I can)
i think it was beautifully written, and I enjoyed reading it very much :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I think if we could see ourselves through a loved ones eyes self confidence would be much higher... I feel like this could have be me speaking, well done... I can relate.

[THE LOST ROSE]

You have a way QP of capturing your thoughts and reminding us we all at times feel the same way. Quite a few of your poems are so relatedable to my life at some point. Your poems seems to be taken a different turn or as i like to say a different voice and i love it! Thanks for sharing.

[Rhonda]

wow! that was really amazing. i feel the same way as you. i used to think that my life was bad. now, i still do a tiny bit, but i feel more positive.

[Banished]

dude i totally understand how you feel. i often find myself feeling guilty about thinking that my life sucks when someone could have it so much worse. Or better yet, just wondering what it would be like to be someone or something else for a change. Great work =]