My First Time

It was not rape. It took me awhile to write about that night because I was hurt, I still am alittle, but it is easier now, now that he is out of my life. If you are under the age of 18 please beware.

 

 

 

My First Time

The room was pitch black

All I saw was him and me

He was all over me

Kissing my lips

Taking my shirt off

Then my bra, pants and underwear…

Moving his hands down below..

Grabs me and has me on top

Moves my hands lower and lower…..

He lays next to me

Whispering if I want it inside me..

I told him I did not know

Just kept kissing and rubbing me

I wanted it..

He climbed on top of me

Was inside of me now

Moving faster and faster..

I told him to go slow

It was like he wasn’t listening

It hurt so much..

He kept asking why I was fighting it

I told him to slow down

Still kept going…

I was freaking out.

He stopped.

Didn’t ask if I was ok.

Just left me lying there on his bed

Someone wiggled the door handle

I rushed to get dressed

We went outside to my car

Took a drive, he acted like we didn’t do a thing…

I told him I was shaky and freaking out

He asked if I was ok

I paused and lied “Yes”..

He rambled on about something else

He knew exactly what he did

I left that night crying for days…

Just didn’t think he would ever hurt me like that

But he did and it only got worse after that

When he left me to go back to his ex..

He tricked, lied, hit and ran..

This will always be in my heart forever

The day how my first time went..

Reviews

[Spoken]

it may not have been rape, but i'm sure it felt like it. terrible way to experience what is supposed to be a moment full of love. All i can say is.. what a b*****d! through very different events i know how this can leave a scar.. it's difficult and I feel sadness for you.. you are very brave to write of this pain and i applaud your courage..

[unspokenguilt]

Well, that's alot to digest...he was wrong to do that to you, and you'd be wrong to see it as your fault cause it's not. When he realized you were confused is when he should of stoped...period and as for your poem...sad but helpful. very good!

[Matthew V. H.]

I'm sorry hun. This must have been hard.

I don't know what to really say other than i am sorry and hope you are able to put all that behind you. Sex is... well sex screws with people and you have first hand experiance with that.

It was a deep and sadening poem but you got through it with strength and poise.

keep that head on your shoulders, because it is one of the best i have met in a long time.

cole-

[Léo Duval]

damn it! It's always surprising for me - I mean: reading such a sad poem about one's first time. My first time was late (I was 20) because I wanted it to be late. It hurt because it always hurts the girl... But it was a great happy memory because I was sure I loved my partner... Not enough to be his wife (we broke up 2 weeks later anyway), just enough to trust him...
I suppose that your poem shows how much communication is important between people. By the way, beginning the lines with "I" then "He" then "I" is a good idea since it shows how much he was wrong not to listen to you, not to feel your uneasiness, not to try and talk with you...
Sex is most of the time a mechanical activity, unfortunately... Let's try our best to change the statistics!

[Gravedigger]

It sickens me that anyone could do that. I applaude your courage in being able to write about it and share what you've been through...I completely agree that young girls should read this so that they can be better prepared and not be taken advantage ofand I also agree with the rest of your reviewers that you will have your real first time with someone who truly loves you and cares about what you are feeling as well, and not just concerned with satiating their own lust. You are made of strong stuff indeed is you can talk about such an experiance openly, and I know that someday you will be with someone special. You certainly deserve such a one.

Bravissima.

[C.J.]

wow so sad i feel for this person sad write good detail.

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

It hurted me to read, too much than I figured out it will, as I told you soon after it happened, we all want the first time to be beautiful and full of love, but its only an act , you did had good memories right after, but it turn out to be bad. You are full of love, really one of the special girls I know, you will soon find your true love and it that would be your REALLY first time. Cause first time , is when you really feel... from inside. Hard poem , very brave and open, maybe a bit too hard for the ones that love you... Thank you for sharing your feelings ... Yossi

[Laura E. Aranda]

Whoa. That is so sad. I have to agree with Dani. Leave it and go on...You have to make new firsts....Thanks for asking me to read this one. Cheers and lots of hugs, lea

[Dani California]

Ah sweetie :( Okay, since we cannot change what is behind us, as much as we'd like to, we can change what is in front of us. Put it in its place, and leave it there. That wasn't your first time, that was a lie. Your first time, is with the person you love and that has not been wasted. It's very special... and will still be. Just, put this to rest and if you feel guilt, which you shouldn't, don't. It's past ... over. Your real "first time" is still in front of you.

I hope in time you will do this.
You've put out an extremely important msg here,
one all young women should heed! I applaud you
for that and for your courage in sharing this.
You're a very special young lady! :)