Our Story

Perhaps I'll linger here, dearest

where lips beg to linger and hope

beg to be discovered somewhere close

lingering seems a pleasurable hobby,

much better than some others i might name,

like gardening, or sculpting, or reading

so perhaps i will linger here.

 

You wonder where I am, sweet?

In your mind, in your dreams

In your memories.

i can't tell between what is me and you

or you and her, or you and her.

whose hand touched bare flesh, whose black nails

dug deep into that lovely hair.

 

Oh, no matter.  Who am i to differentiate?

when it was you, in your infinite wisdom

who gave me this home?

with your slightest word, your lightest touch

i can delve into your mind

read the thoughts upon your brain

and interpret them as I will, be it anger or fear or....

 

No, that word won't be managed, honey.

it can't be possible, can't be that.

it may be true that i allow myself to linger

in the world of fantasy far too often

but i am not so far gone as that.

the voices in my head beg,

but i'll not give them this story.

 

What story, you ask?

our story, the one that is me and you

we have no story

but there is me, and there is you

and thus there is a story, lurking

around the nearest corner, just waiting

to be driven out of the shadows.

 

Perhaps I'll stay here a bit longer, beloved

and try to find our story

try to sort through images and feelings,

through emotions and thoughts

and eventually write of us

of what is us, what was us, what will be

us.

 

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Great job...generates a great sense of intimacy. There seems to be an ambivalence about whether what is going on is good or bad...as if the voice is toying with the reader...never quite surrendering the real situation. But the direct tone of the writing makes it easy to think 'goodness, it is my mind that is between the paws here'! Yet the reader escapes to read another day! Enjoyed this.

[PianoandPage]

some really great lines in here

"whose hand touched bare flesh, whose black nails
dug deep into that lovely hair."

"No, that word won't be managed, honey.
it can't be possible, can't be that."

this piece has an ethereal quality to the tone while maintaining a definitive voice to the writer. one gets the sense of a muse, or a lingering spirit of a loved one.

[Kelley T]

Very nice. I personally enjoy the ambivalence that you portray, that so many of us tend to feel, after parting ways with a lover. "Was it for the best? ... Who needs 'em! ... Should we have held out longer? ... Am I better off?"

My one and only critique would be that you didn't capitalize some of the I's in the body of the poem, while you did others. It was only a mild distraction and I doubt anyone but a true Grammar Nazi would really get that nit-picky about it. Otherwise, great work!

[Riverdance]

"we have no story
but there is me, and there is you
and thus there is a story, lurking"
Very interesting perspective here, yet almost comical it seemed, though I know the overall poem was rather detached cautious.

You have a good feel with words. =)

Nice write!

~Rd

[Kristin Brecoe]

wow. kristen haynes sent me a read request for this piece. and i am glad she did. this piece was soft and lonely. your flow we soothing yet saddening. hmm.. now you have my pondering MY stories that i have yet to speak, but feel as if nothing can be written.

-kristin

[Clarisse Nanoit]

I like. A very nice poem. It takes the reader on a journey, because you tell the story slowly, revealing small details at a time and letting them kinda figure things out in satisfactory little bits. That's a very good way to write poetry, and it suits this particular idea well.
KH

[Oz]

Each person on earth has a story; no matter how small or large. That's something I've always found interesting. It's even more interesting when you have two people and they create their own story together. Sometimes the story is a good one full of pleasant memories...other times the story is painful and hard to forget.

Whatever the context, I like how you describe the concept of the 'story' of a relationship. Nicely done.

-Oz

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

I like the fact that your mate wants to know "our story" and then you leave it to linger. It seems almost sado-masochistic. Great write, ----mishy, xxxoo

[Mizu No Mita]

. . . I really like this.. it's very... fitting.

[SM Davis]

This was lovely imagery. I agree with Orlando that this does indeed generate a feeling of intimacy. I would also agree that there seems to be a bit of detatchment. Nicely written.