Letter to ABB - 1

12/15/07

Dear ABB,

 

     Why are you doing this?  I need you!  I need your friendship, and all you're doing is pulling away.  Away, away, away.  Until i can't even reach out and touch anymore.  Why are you doing this to me?  I'm swimming in depression the way it is.  And you aren't here to help, like you promised you would be.  You're out pining for that girl, and I'm here wanting to slit my writs.  Come back, please?  I can't offer you anything but friendship, but come back to me!  I need you, I need you.

 

     I don't want you as anything more than a friend, but that should be enough!  I need you as a friend like I don't need anyone else.  I'm so afraid for next year, when we part, maybe for good.  You off to college, me off to wherever I can find a home.  What's happening to me?  I'm so damned scared, and I need someone, I need you.  But you're nowhere around.  You aren't here.  Why did I even hope?

 

     I should have known.  Should have guessed that you were going to stab me in the heart.  Remember, i told you that analogy or whatever that one time?  It's like people have stabbed me everytime they betrayed me.  Cutting through flesh and bone.  And then they twist the knives, twist them in the wounds so it hurts a hell of a lot more.  And remember?  I told you that the sword you stuck would go through my soul (if i have one) and my heart (if it's still beating).  I told you, didn't I?  That your's would be the one that ended it all?  That anymore betrayals would drive me to the edge again?

 

     I'm hurting, so damned bad.  I'm afraid, too.  Afraid that I'm sinking in the blue of depression so far that I'll never make it out again.  Don't go being like our friend LA.  I don't need you telling me I need meds, don't need you telling me to go talk to someone.  I want to talk to you...but wait.  Where are you?  Not here, not here.  You're so f*****g far away, and you're holding a f*****g javelin to drive through my tissue. 

 

     I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean it, I swear.  I didn't mean to entice you into touching your lips to mine.  I didn't mean to do it, I didn't.  I didn't...I couldn't.  Don't do this to me, don't do it.  Don't stab me through the soul.  You're pushing it in, kid.  And i can feel my life slipping away.

 

     I still love you, just so you know.  I still love you.

 

From,

a friend