Beached

It lives in me

I never thought of sand as being food of sort.
When mixed with air and salt and moon,
in just the right amount,
could feed me like a flower feeds sunshine to a bee.

 

I step which is my drinking
with two tongues of bone and blood.
I swallow in my breathing, and taste it in my heart.
These stars are now within my mouth,
for this moment of forgetting.

Forgetting that I have forgot those things I told myself.
Without knowing, and no telling, I have become the beach.
I am the crashing wavesong, the piles of silty seaweed.
Truth is I never was another, I only was pretending.

And soon I must reshape myself
Back into the form of man.
Gild my teeth and seal this skin
And keep the fire burning.

 

Reviews

[Chantal-lise Mirman]

This poem has a wonderful flow, like the tides, and ranks high within the commune-with-Nature mode. Each stanza is a completely different stage of identifying with the sea, as you go from simile to metaphor. In the first stanza, you make a seemingly chance comparison; a discovery, like coming across the random seashell. Then in the second stanza, you embrace the image and become the beach. And finally, in the third stanza, you deny the first - as though you'd had amnesia and were embarassed about it! The title is what brings it all together. There IS a minor problem of a lack of subject for the second sentence of the first stanza, but I'm not sure how you might rectify it without disturbing the flow.I can imagine a whole series of these: Treed; Skyed; Wolfed...

[Wendy G.]

this is beautiful. I was on three beaches yesterday, and my feet hurt. The first beach had shells grinding into my feet and there was moss everywhere, the second wasn't much better, but the third was like heaven on earth. The sand was soft and powdery and the water was clear and warm . . .ahhhhh.

your metaphor is intriguing. the senses are well embodied here.

[Greg the Bard]

I like this poem a lot. It goes a long way to a given. I try not to assume when reading anyting here and because of that the image is much greater. The poem doesn't flow in someplaces and I feel it is because of over stateing what is infront of the reader. However it does not take away from the great image and that is what makes this poem grab you and keep you attention. Thanks it is a great read.

[L.P. Hawkins]

This is a joy to read. Your style and structure make this poem a memorable one. I loved the similie in the fourth line as well as the ending. Pretending to be anything other than the nature which the narrator speaks of is gives a nice, smooth philosophical finish to it. Well done.

[Lauren Stegg]

I, like the other reviewers, really enjoyed the imagery of this piece. Nice use of metaphors and similes. Overall the poem is very airy and beautiful.

[Raef C. Boylan]

The problem mentioned by Chantel-lise could be solved by:

"I never thought of sand as being food of sort,
which when mixed with air and salt and moon,
in just the right amount,
could feed me like a flower feeds sunshine to a bee." - not sure what you think of the flow with "which" added in there?

The idea of feet as tongues, tasting the sand, is a great one. The feel of sand - bith wet and dry - between your toes is a unique sensation, and deserves this tribute.
It's great how the narrator bonds with the sea by 'tasting' the sand -
"I am the crashing wavesong, the piles of silty seaweed".

Your final line is a bit distracting, and seems in conflict with the style of the rest of the poem, i.e. admiration of nature.
If the significance of that line to you, renders it indispensable, i suggest leaving a space between it and S3-L3. It undoubtably increases intrigue, but also detracts from more memorable tongue-feet image.

It's an enjoyable read; thanks for posting it.

[O!]

What an interesting way of looking at something....makes u a promising read!! :-)....love it coz its such a different view making the entire piece very intriguing...

and the last line takes u further than the beach....and that makes Beached a great title!!

nice introduction to you :-)...am sure a friend would love to get to know u (as in ur work) ...and maybe u...but that i cant be sure of...hahahha

x,
O!

[Six Impossible Things]

Sometimes I think that the beach and the sand are overdone in poetry. It's easy to get cliche with the images. I was thrilled to see that this is fresh and exciting and not cliche at all. I like the idea of sand as food... the salt and the air and the entire scene feeds from one another.

This flows wonderfully and the last stanza made the breath catch in my throat

'These stars are now within my mouth,
for this moment of forgetting.'
wow. gorgeous. I look forward to reading more.

[An Ordinary Woman]

I love your poetry, Andrew.

I wish that today, I was at the beach. I have only been there one time, Marina Del Rey, and it took my breath away.

As the others said, your flow is superb and the imagery is breath taking. Your descriptives are among the best I have seen ...

I'm subscribing to you so that I won't miss anything !

[Lyra Day]

the ocean and the shores on which it crawls.. the enless miles of sand... could heal even the most broken of people. THis is a beautiful poem. So beautifully written..

I step, which is my drinking
with two tongues of bone and blood.

I adore those two lines... so vivid.

I look forward to reading more.