Tantrum

I'm burning on the insides
I can feel it as if it was pushing itself against me
Pushing me against a wall

Anger
Flowing through my veins

Adrenalin
Ruining whatever my mind was working on

I could break something

Anything would be fine
Everything would be better

But before I realize what I was doing,
It was all a lie

Adrenaline and anger were filling up my brain with stories

They wanted to hurt me

They got what they worked for

They made me believe that if I did what they asked, they'd go away and it would all be better

And they did
They disappeared

But were replaced by pain and grief

Not just physical, but emotional too

I felt stupid

Because I actually let anger get the best of me
Because I really thought that by believing him, I'd find peace
Because I can never learn the lesson

And then there's grief

Because I still never got what I wanted

Because I can't stop thinking about it

Because as stubborn as I'll ever be,
I can't change my mind and forget about it.

I'm cold

Water doesn't seem to stop flowing from my eyes
It feels as if I was swallowing a cold metal bullet
It ending in my stomach like an ice grenade,
Blowing up my insides and freezing whatever is left behind

I cannot bare with it anymore,
But I can't do anything about it

After all,
What is left of me?

It would never be enough to handle anything

How could I ever not feel?

We all know the answer...

Author's Note

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