Darkest Night

The opening scene of a book I am working on. This is a mourning scene though the book is paranormal romance.

Twenty-seven wolves paced at the edge of the property line, restlessly heaving white puffs into the frozen air. They daren’t cross this property line, but the call was pulling all of them. Two small grays hunkered down, whining and scratching at their ears.

Anatolia had been at it all night. Howling in anguish as she had the last six nights. Her cries pulling at the hearts of the skittish wolves, stabbing at the fears of the nearby humans. How could she care, now? Jasir had left her for the moon trail, broken, bloodied and bruised. He’d left her after such a fight that her anger tuned inwards"at her selfish desire to be with him, her twin, even if it meant more pain. She dropped her chin and slashed at the strangely human tears tripping down her face.

The animals inched closer, sensing they were needed despite the danger. Heads down, bodies tucked low, ears forward… inching towards the one whose pain they’d been drowning in for the last six hours. They soon paced in a loose circle around the mourning silver she-wolf, close enough to touch had she only had human hands…

The silver-white wolf, centered midst the circling new-comers, tossed her head back yet again in a toneless howl. Her last; her voice was completely spent. The pack’s alpha broke formation to approach the heart-broken howler.

It’s time. He told her, brushing her smaller form with his. Jasir would not like you mourning so long. You need rejoin the pack, forget this place and join us. The hunt is not yet done.

I can’t. I’m not…She flared her teeth, licking her nose in distaste. I can’t do what you want. I’m not ready. He just started his walk.

He started his walk long ago, Anatolia. The day he left for this…this prison. You cannot grieve forever for the moonwalkers. He is watching you from the stars. He nipped at her neck, a clear warning.

Not now, Krieger. I’m trying, but not now. Later.

Now! The large black nipped again at the smaller moonstruck female, growling and showing teeth. I’ll not be disobeyed.

Dropping her head to the ground, she moved to join the pack, circling, tail tucked.

Author's Note

I'm looking for feedback on this as a hook. Do you like the style? Do you want to read more?

Reviews

[Silent Wolf]

Sounds interesting, and I'd love to read more. This has a start different from other wolf books I have read.

[G]

Very interesting. The hook is there beginning with paragraph 2. I'd start with that and put in the 27 wolves part inside the paragraphs. You are knowedgeable about words like hook and style. Hope you are in a writers' group. How about letting me read more of this? I'll be check in to see. Good writing style and the scene is described between dialogue. Very professional. P.S. This is so good, I'm going to read it to my writers' group Monday night. There is a young woman there trying to write the same type of novel. :)

[Cate Carpenter]

Hi... like the start and want to know more about where they are going. Notced just a couple technical difficulties but nothing to harsh, I included them so you knew what I noticed. Looking forward to more! Cate
*they daren't cross the line* I suggest changing that to dare not.
And just one out of place quotation mark.

[ashleyharrington]

It like it!!!! It sounds great!