Off With My Faulty Head

 

S**t has hit the fan
and I can’t turn the damn thing
Off, with my faulty head
I’m throwing away my sorry state of
Being, lost in my own mind
where it swirls like a
Hurricane, threatening to overtake my weakening
Composure, is tilting over the edge
and the view is just so
Shocking, me back into the reality
that is just in my torn
Mind, what you whisper in my ear
for my ear is connected to my
Heart, felt tears stream down,
smelling like salt and I feel like
S**t, has hit the fan
and I can’t turn the damn thing
Off.

Reviews

[deeps]

Oh My Goodness this hit a nerve here. I like this and the emotion you put into this. I think it's a powerful amazing write.

[Az]

I don't know exactly what to think about this. On one hand, the rhythm is splendidly executed and leads to a strong resolution. Along with that, the form lends itself to the feeling being invoked (one of the hallmarks of well executed poetry, in my opinion).

But, the transition following Mind feels a bit awkward and swirls seems out of place in describing a hurricane.

In the end, it is a strong poem, if a bit inconsistent. Good work!

[rachelintheOC]

wow, so good! I loved the rhythm of it, the flow, as theresa mentioned below. I did have to reread a few lines to be sure I got the meaning...torn AND connected kind of confused me, though is that a bad thing? because that's obviously how you meant the person to feel. the heartache seemed so real.

[Theresa]

Each line flows so easily into the next. I like the beginning and the ending:
"S**t, has hit the fan
and I can't turn the damn thing
Off."
As if things are out of control and there is nothing you can do. I also really liked the lines:
"what you whisper in my ear
for my ear is connected to my
Heart, felt tears stream down,
smelling like salt"
Full of emotion I love it. Nicely done.