How to Become Happy

First, throw out everything you love. Toss out those love notes, tare the last shred of a thought that you're worth something. You know those things your counselor told you? News flash, it's only advice regurgitated over the years of meeting countless freaks like you. That’s their job. Like everything else in the store, it was processed, packaged, and sold to any sucker who would buy that cheap crap.  

Hurl out the "Happily Ever After" bulls**t that stitches reality with fairy tale. You don't want a quilt with patches sown together, you want fine silk. You know, that soft stringy feeling after your heart aches from a bad break-up or when you're hit with the fact that sometimes your best just isn't good enough. That’s what you need, that’s the good stuff.   

Once you threaded that quilt into a warm tender layer of pain take a nap. You deserve it, Regenerate, Feel your vitality pulse through the blanket. Bathe in the lukewarm memories that shroud you. Let the quilt crawl over your head to protect you from the outside. Lukewarm merges into hot. Sweat stains the blanket while you cough against the same hot breath you pushed out three seconds ago. You're choking. Just BREATHE. Its always that easy.   

You're up, that was too much. Wipe your eyes from the chance of being blinded by tears buoyant with exhaustion. Use your pointer finger knuckle and gently rub. Your sweat blends with the tears as it crusts under each eye. Go take a shower. Start the scorching water so the steam seeps into your skin opening your pores. Hear those babies whistle why don’t ya? Step into that misty chamber and lather in all the emotions. Rub the regret under your armpits, condition your hair in the spiteful tears you've cried over your dad leaving you at age 14. The boyfriend who kept you hostage in a crumbling world revolving around him. That sensation, holding your breathless baby and feeling your world stop. Make sure it all sets in, we want this to be worth it. Step out and feel your body weighted down, the water drips and urges you to sink into the floor. Fight it!  

Dry yourself off. Look at yourself in the mirror while wrapping your hair in a towel. Stop, what is that in the mirror? Those green eyes. Aren't those emeralds suppose to look like frogs? Slightly stunned with a glimpse of beauty you continue to get ready when you notice you're sucking in your stomach. Rib cage just barely present, almost like the shy girl peaking around the corner of the big purple play-set at school. You remember that don't you? You were seven, maybe eight and had long luscious brunette pig tails that bounced every time you ran. Remember that glimmering smile? Going back to getting ready, remove the towel and let out your hair. Your jaw as your hair dangles. Long and brown as it intertwines with itself. Like a forest of vines your fingers swing and slide through it. Twisting and pulling your own hair you smile and let out a small shriek. Now you're getting it.  

Don't get dressed, stay naked. It feels good. No, you know damn well this feels great!  Smiling as you twirl throughout the bathroom the earth turns but your eyes kiss at the mirror. Each gentle blink you snapshot every image. Your vibrant smile, your kinky hair, your sweet a*s, your smooth creamy waist, your sassy attitude, your innocent dance. You find something to smile about without it making sense. You have the urge to give this reflection everything you got and don’t care that a monster is lurking at the mirror. You love the reflection. Beauty and the Beast. You did it.