Excerpt 1

A conversation between two of the supporting characters in the book, Anastasia and Skyler.

                And quite suddenly, Anastasia stopped. In a swift motion, she threw herself into the grass, face forward, and turned her head just enough that Skyler could comprehend what she was saying. “I feel like I’ve wasted my potential. I am 18 years old, still a baby in my mother’s eyes, but very much a woman by so much more of society’s eyes. I can decide for myself. I can smoke myself into cancer, throw myself into battle, vote in a dictator or even gamble away my life’s savings. I should be able to decide for myself. But this is what I’ve decided thus far: I have wasted my life away. I have spent the past 18 years being so insecure and yet so confident in the notion that I am a genius. That I am so incredibly deep, Da Vinci couldn’t swim through my pathos. Then I cradle into a fetal position, murmuring, chanting my self-worthlessness and how I cannot even rise up to stay with my peers, to emulate the “leader” and highly-developed, intelligent woman that I am. Instead, I fall into the pits of despair�"which in my case are lined with stupidity and housing the dullest and dimmest of America’s best. Even so, I know that I am not stupid. I am not pathetic and in need of being taken care of. Worse. I am average. I am a simple, average Joe. And life does not revolve around me.” Anastasia pulled her legs in toward her, now lying on her side. The wind seemed to sigh simultaneously with the pair.

                After a few minutes, Skyler took a seat, gathered his knees against his chest, and quietly said, “Everyone comes to that conclusion.”

                “Yes, but everyone ELSE can accept it. For some reason, I cannot.”

                “… And this is what leads to your depression.” Skyler pulled a strand of Anastasia’s hair away from her face.

                “Does not lead, for I have always been depressed, but merely keeps me within its tight locks. I am so close though, or at least I believe I am so close, to being smart. To being considered with the golden, shining young adults and create this wave crashing into life as we know it. They are the soldiers charging the beaches of reality and knowledge, questioning and coming up with new solutions to what we’ve already believed to be irrefutable. And the truly sickening thing is? Do you want to know? Do you want to join this madness with me? Watching, your eyes bulging as you look upon the achievements and utter happiness that your peers share and celebrate, knowing, KNOWING, that you can NEVER share that glory… it’s… it’s… suffocating.”

                “Suffocating.” Skyler laid down, forming a mirrored position to Anastasia.

                “I’m suffocating, but I’m not even smart enough to move my arms�"to thrash, to pull myself above the waters of ignorance and breathe in the sweet air of understanding. To clear the fog filling my mind along with the lack of oxygen that clouds my train of thought. The longer I stay in this water, the more of my memory and ability to form logical thought patterns escape me. And soon, I will be nothing but a vegetable. I will sit, staring at this metaphor and responding to nothing, from a fear of appearing unintelligent, and from an inability even care.”