"Musings"

 

hello
love
sad face but wild eyes
you're frozen between
paper mache
and malice
or envy
when green ladies walk by
long leg strides
with devil eyes
and charms
on their fingernails
you like
cheerios and tiny boxes
and gloomy old men
who keep their
tired eyes
open
long

into the lonely fight

 

i have clothes on
but
last night
i had none
and for three hours you
whispered into my mouth
like a humid breeze
and kept me going
and going
and i am so tired today
but
it was worth it
and i think
maybe that's it:
finding a patch of blue
in the cemetery gray sky
and some voice from the opening
gently floating down words
to you
of how alone
the world would feel
if you left it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"and for three hours you
whispered into my mouth
like a humid breeze
and kept me going
and going"

kimmer is right, this is amazing stuff...your voice has the most unique patterns to it..
the patch of blue in a gray sky of writing..

those few hours of passion that helps us forget the rest of the world..

that part of this reminded me of "Three Days of the Condor" with redford and dunaway...where he just needed that break for a few hours, that break to forget everything else...
your poetry makes me forget everything else as i read it...

very inspiring to this writer...thank you

jacob

[Baby Ricochet]

I like the "When long Green Ladies walk by" part.

[Frieda P]

'Whispered into my mouth like a humid breeze', perfection! Love this, it made me swoon, hahah, really, very basic, raw and emotive.

[Ees]

Cool.
A different sort of look a somebody. Certainly not the typical sort of girl and that is given as praise in your poem. It has a bit of a dark edge to it, that balances any praise and also has the tendency to endear it to me all the more.
Wonderful job!

[KAOlmsted]

*sigh* Here we go again...are you ready?? Wait for it...wait for it...I love your voice. I could sit and listen to you recite the phone book or --egads--a math textbook, and I would just float and soar and hang on every single word...

But of course you don't recite the phone book, nor do you recite b*****d math textbooks, you recite some of the most original and beautiful poetry not only on this site but...that I have ever had the privilege of experiencing.

A lot of the times, when I read my own work (in my head...do you know I have never recited any of my pieces aloud?) I hear your voice...and it makes what I do seem that much better in my own mind ;-)

I'd love to hear you say my name...just once...*laugh*

-kimmer (he whispered...ahhhhhh)

:-D

[Steven]

haha, you're the best.

You should! www.evoka.com

[That_Girl]

This is really quite gorgeous, Steven. Your words are soft and damn lucid... yet solid and meaningful. This has an intimate quality that not many can achieve in such ways. I love it.

And I agree with Victoria... I think you understand, truly understand, women... possibly more than I do. Which is kind of sad when you think about it. :)

[Kim]

Gorgeous work. I really love the flow of the poem and the short lines. The details are fantastic and so unique. "Paper mache and malice" is genius - I just love how the words sound with one another and the ideas are so specific. Such great work.

The only part that stuck out to me was "and i am so tired today/but/it was worth it." I might reword that to match the mood/tone of the rest of the poem. Every other word is perfect and I wouldn't touch a thing. I really love it.

[victoria]

beautifully penned, love the reference to 'papier mache', in what I have read so far of your work, you seem to have great awareness about the workings of women which is (if I may be so bold) most attractive.
There is something truly intimate about this line
''and for three hours you
whispered into my mouth
like a humid breeze'', I was left with the feeling they chose life itself.... I enjoyed this.

[Sami Khalil]

how alone the world would feel.
Nice write.

[...]

. stunning ...
. those last ten lines especially ...
. it's a pity you haven't posted anything new ...
. i hope you're still writing even if you're not posting ...