When We Were Young

Just a poem I wrote as one of my last three that I was assigned to write for English. :)

We used to have our own imaginations,

When we were young.

We thought crazy things, played crazy games.

We were our own person and not just sheep.

Now we tend to go with the flow,

Think like others, talk like other, dress like others.

We are no longer one.

 

We used to all be friends.

We’d all play and talk together,

And have our fun.

We accepted everyone for who they were.

Now we are judgmental and separate.

All in our own little clichés,

Talking and spreading mean and untrue things.

We go our separate ways and try to stay away.

 

We used to be dependent of everyone.

When we were young.

We couldn’t make our own money or live by ourselves.

We had to trust that our parents would take care of us.

Now we are getting older.

We will be leaving and going our own ways.

Doing our own thing, becoming our own person.

Now dependent for ourselves.

Now beginning our long, life journey.

Reviews

[WizardsAffliction]

The structure is nice and relatively easy on the eyes, also helps the poem emanate whatever emotion or image you want to convey. However, this seems more like a bunch of statements rather than poetry. I'm not saying it isn't a poem, I'm just simply insinuating that instead of TELLING us what you want to say, SHOW us. Give us sensory details, like touch, taste, hearing, seeing, etc. You can connect with your audience on a far more emotional level with these elements rather than otherwise.

But this is a good start! :D

Hope this helps and happy trails!

[Fallen Angel]

This is a really good suggestion. It was just a quick write for English a couple years ago but reading through it again I can definitely see how much better it would be with the sensory details. Thanks for the review! :)

[WizardsAffliction]

You're most welcome! I tried my best not to come off as offensive. It's all just a commentary on the writing itself. :D

[Colleen a Bean]

ok I love the poem but suggestion istead of saying "Doing our own thing, becoming our own person." could it be persons and for "Now dependent for ourselves." could it be Now dependent on ourselves. either way it sounds good those 2 lines just stuck out when I read it lol Love it and u though girly keep up the writing please.

[Fallen Angel]

I HATE saying persons. xP I just hate the words. It doesn't seem like a word to me. But the other suggestion makes sense.

[Colleen a Bean]

lol k well its your peom I was just bored and noticed the 2 things

[Fallen Angel]

lolz Okai then.

[Colleen a Bean]

lol ya haha