1.ENTITY

An introduction to the main character and the world she exists in. This chapter is a two-time contest winner!

 

  Voices. Laughter and screams--distorted by strident interference. They swarm her captive mind, ricocheting off static walls.

If her own thoughts plagued her--if she were free to grasp her own intelligence---there would be no space in her core to exist.

  She simply is--perched on the edge, fearless.

Atop the skyscraper, she looms over her potential victims--waiting--the hub and flow of electric Shinjuku below her. Startling white lights, neon green and vermillion explosions deck modern Japan in brilliant splendor.

  She c***s her head.

A quick snap and the audio streaming through her brain core is clear. Every footfall, every hovering vehicle, and whisper from beneath are all audible to her.

  However, she hears, but does not understand.

  She sees, but does not comprehend…

Her porcelain face is void of expression, as the icy breeze bites at her skin; ripples through her short, silken hair-- black as the night around her.

  She stands. Her slender frame exposed.

A tight ebony dive suit stretches across her stark, ivory skin. Tall boots hug firmly at her thighs and her graceful hands, concealed within gloves, fall to her sides.

Only her crimson eyes---the deep pools of lethal mercury--- are conspicuous in the twilight.

  Deadly.

  Vacant.

Eyes that now carelessly retreat within the barriers of her artificial intelligence. But they are also the same eyes which strike terror into a victim’s heart, and of innocence itself.

  She detects an entity.

The girl is not the only one connected to the internet.

An alert program sets her dormant system into full reaction as an assumed virus threatens to hack her core. She throws up attack barriers and locks down vital information, as programmed.

  Within seconds her mind becomes an impenetrable fortress, built of strong firewalls and armed with expedient, tactile Xeno viruses. But before she can strike, an encrypted tone shatters the cold silence of infinite cyberspace, “0016347, S.E.M.I.S, accessing informative cybertronic dive.”

   The recovery code clears instantaneously.

Her barriers power down. A sense of familiarity floods her A.I, a mechanical realization that this has occurred before. “Solus Lex prototype #7 ---initiating informative order download. Authentication needed.”

  “001527H, T.H.E.T.A” She responds without hesitation.

Even in the confines of her own A.I, her voice is warm and imitates that of an adult woman-- sharp, with a smooth velvet undertone.

  Immediately, a rush of new information downloads to her internal memory. The city blurs and sound is non-existent as digitized files appear before her eyes.

  One contains details of a time and place.

  The second, a digital image of a man along with his name and personal information.

  Lastly, classified instructions. Complicated and dangerous orders that only she can execute with utmost perfection.

  The entity withdraws.

A feeling of solitude echoes in her mechanical heart, but beyond this there is no reaction, no emotion.

  She is not human.

Only a cybernetic being, created for one purpose: Destruction.

Across the roof she walks--a confident, swaggering stride.

   She now has a part to play.

There is no thought behind her action. No freewill to attain. It is enough to follow orders: silently, absently. She is possessed by a programmed nature.

  Reaching the southern edge, she pauses. Her delicate form is outlined in the darkness from the glowing nightlife below.

  She swivels around her and her heals scrape grime under foot.

Suddenly, she breaks into a run. Building incomprehensible speed, she leaps across the divide between the two towers. Her slender legs part to maximum extent, in a fervent display of agility, as she strives, in mid air, to reach the other side.

She lands perfectly on the flat roof, crushing a tile beneath her with the powerful force of her legs. It smashes slowly into obliterate pieces, as if defying the laws of speed and matter.

  But there is no time to waste.

Quickly, she moves to the ledge overlooking the pivotal stretch of Shinjuku’s nightlife. The optical sight controlled by the precision of her eye lenses, scans the flow of air traffic.

 Sleek vehicles, flying parallel to each other, catch spasmodic neon light as they streak past digital billboards smeared along the city‘s sides.

There are many sounds to absorb, many sights to see. Hundreds of streamline towers, their windows mirroring the expanse of eccentric cityscape. Hear the car horns, the black crows cawing and rustling their great wings as music drifts from a far off place. But she focuses on one element as her internal clock counts down.

  Three.

  Two.

  One.

  Target acquired

Her optical sight locks on a silver vehicle rapidly approaching. It flows with a web of tight air traffic offering only a brief window of opportunity.

She takes it. Leaning forward, she pulls her hands above her head and dives off the edge…

Author's Note

Any comments welcome!
God bless : )

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Your description of this action sequence shows marked improvement ove your prior book. Also, the length of this chapter is perfect ... not too long. You have grown as a writer in a very short time. My only complaint is with the following entry ...

"Her slender legs part to maximum extent, in a fervent display of agility, ..."

I am certain that "fervent" is the wrong word here. How do you think it would sound like this? ...

"Her slender legs part to maximum extent, in an astounding display of agility,..."

Beyond that, I have absolutely no complaints. The very nature of her being generates questions that serve as a "literary hook" not to mention the questions of "Who is her target?" and "Why?"

This is a superbly constructed first chapter.

[Alex P.]

The detail in your description is beautiful. This has me interested, which is what a superb intro always does. The imagery is wonderfully sci-fi, but not far off enough that it's hard to imagine, or requires a lot of description. I am honestly intrigued, where sci-fi is not usually my preference. Keep up the fantastic work!

[Mary Evans]

As many already noted it gives a very Ghost in the Shell/sci-fi feeling. Nice imagery and action, picturing it, it felt as if a movie opening or a music video. Good beginning too. You managed to build the mood and introduce the character. Seems like a promising story, keep up the good work.

[Kandy]

Very good first chapter. Very descriptive, and clean. I could understand every single sentence, and picture your character clearly in my head. It's a very good beginning, can't wait for more.

[John Stussy]

My apologies for how long it took me to get to this. Your writing style is amazing, you know that? Detail detail detail, everywhere! Seems like you have the set-up for an awesome Sci-Fi ready to go.

[Walkingblind]

This drips of Ghost In The Shell visuals, it has a cold steel feel to it so futuristic and calculatingly perfect. I enjoy your use of words, they are engaging and intense. Great job on this piece!

[Vanna Renee]

Hmm.. May I ask how many chapters this is planned to be?
It is interesting,,,
I'd once gone through a sort of sci-fi mode whereas all I could think about was writing about this sort of action.
You seem to entangle all of my thoughts into these words.
Nice.

[Amelia Harris]

I love this! I love how you express who Theta is. This is excellent!

[kewlbluetiger]

Ya this is awesome. Love how you describe your worlds as always and you bring the characters to life within them. My favorite part was when she was jumping the building tops. Really vivid there! You had some really creative touches with the smooth voice of the A.I.
Loved it! Can't wait to read more.

[Leech Wife]

Not only does this explode with imagery, but has the feel of a classic sci-fi fantasy (A cross between Blade Runner and Aeon Flux). Your use of words are impressive and not in the least repetitive; Very smart.

This is the most intriguing piece of writing I have read on this site, and you now have my full attention. Hope you keep adding to this. I think you have something truly great and original here.

[VincentRayne]

Ah, dang it! That's the end of the chapter. I was really hooked from the beginning, and not just because I'm a GITS fan. The description was perfect with an incredible vocabulary that is used excellently. reading this makes me feel as though I'm lagging behind in my penmanship skills badly. That is a good thing though so I can strive to do better.

Anyway, there are a couple of things that this story reminds me of. When you described the scenery I started picturing the world of Xenosaga ep. 3. It's a beautiful futuristic type of world and when you mentioned the character's voice I could hear two different voices in my head. One was this android from a game called Blaze Blue. She was also created with the purpose of destruction. Another was the galactic Layline's voice from the final episode of Outlaw Star.

But I'm very curious as to what will happen next! RR again right after you post up chapter 2.