1.ENTITY

An introduction to the main character and the world she exists in. This chapter is a two-time contest winner!

 

  Voices. Laughter and screams--distorted by strident interference. They swarm her captive mind, ricocheting off static walls.

If her own thoughts plagued her--if she were free to grasp her own intelligence---there would be no space in her core to exist.

  She simply is--perched on the edge, fearless.

Atop the skyscraper, she looms over her potential victims--waiting--the hub and flow of electric Shinjuku below her. Startling white lights, neon green and vermillion explosions deck modern Japan in brilliant splendor.

  She c***s her head.

A quick snap and the audio streaming through her brain core is clear. Every footfall, every hovering vehicle, and whisper from beneath are all audible to her.

  However, she hears, but does not understand.

  She sees, but does not comprehend…

Her porcelain face is void of expression, as the icy breeze bites at her skin; ripples through her short, silken hair-- black as the night around her.

  She stands. Her slender frame exposed.

A tight ebony dive suit stretches across her stark, ivory skin. Tall boots hug firmly at her thighs and her graceful hands, concealed within gloves, fall to her sides.

Only her crimson eyes---the deep pools of lethal mercury--- are conspicuous in the twilight.

  Deadly.

  Vacant.

Eyes that now carelessly retreat within the barriers of her artificial intelligence. But they are also the same eyes which strike terror into a victim’s heart, and of innocence itself.

  She detects an entity.

The girl is not the only one connected to the internet.

An alert program sets her dormant system into full reaction as an assumed virus threatens to hack her core. She throws up attack barriers and locks down vital information, as programmed.

  Within seconds her mind becomes an impenetrable fortress, built of strong firewalls and armed with expedient, tactile Xeno viruses. But before she can strike, an encrypted tone shatters the cold silence of infinite cyberspace, “0016347, S.E.M.I.S, accessing informative cybertronic dive.”

   The recovery code clears instantaneously.

Her barriers power down. A sense of familiarity floods her A.I, a mechanical realization that this has occurred before. “Solus Lex prototype #7 ---initiating informative order download. Authentication needed.”

  “001527H, T.H.E.T.A” She responds without hesitation.

Even in the confines of her own A.I, her voice is warm and imitates that of an adult woman-- sharp, with a smooth velvet undertone.

  Immediately, a rush of new information downloads to her internal memory. The city blurs and sound is non-existent as digitized files appear before her eyes.

  One contains details of a time and place.

  The second, a digital image of a man along with his name and personal information.

  Lastly, classified instructions. Complicated and dangerous orders that only she can execute with utmost perfection.

  The entity withdraws.

A feeling of solitude echoes in her mechanical heart, but beyond this there is no reaction, no emotion.

  She is not human.

Only a cybernetic being, created for one purpose: Destruction.

Across the roof she walks--a confident, swaggering stride.

   She now has a part to play.

There is no thought behind her action. No freewill to attain. It is enough to follow orders: silently, absently. She is possessed by a programmed nature.

  Reaching the southern edge, she pauses. Her delicate form is outlined in the darkness from the glowing nightlife below.

  She swivels around her and her heals scrape grime under foot.

Suddenly, she breaks into a run. Building incomprehensible speed, she leaps across the divide between the two towers. Her slender legs part to maximum extent, in a fervent display of agility, as she strives, in mid air, to reach the other side.

She lands perfectly on the flat roof, crushing a tile beneath her with the powerful force of her legs. It smashes slowly into obliterate pieces, as if defying the laws of speed and matter.

  But there is no time to waste.

Quickly, she moves to the ledge overlooking the pivotal stretch of Shinjuku’s nightlife. The optical sight controlled by the precision of her eye lenses, scans the flow of air traffic.

 Sleek vehicles, flying parallel to each other, catch spasmodic neon light as they streak past digital billboards smeared along the city‘s sides.

There are many sounds to absorb, many sights to see. Hundreds of streamline towers, their windows mirroring the expanse of eccentric cityscape. Hear the car horns, the black crows cawing and rustling their great wings as music drifts from a far off place. But she focuses on one element as her internal clock counts down.

  Three.

  Two.

  One.

  Target acquired

Her optical sight locks on a silver vehicle rapidly approaching. It flows with a web of tight air traffic offering only a brief window of opportunity.

She takes it. Leaning forward, she pulls her hands above her head and dives off the edge…

Author's Note

Any comments welcome!
God bless : )

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Your description of this action sequence shows marked improvement ove your prior book. Also, the length of this chapter is perfect ... not too long. You have grown as a writer in a very short time. My only complaint is with the following entry ...

"Her slender legs part to maximum extent, in a fervent display of agility, ..."

I am certain that "fervent" is the wrong word here. How do you think it would sound like this? ...

"Her slender legs part to maximum extent, in an astounding display of agility,..."

Beyond that, I have absolutely no complaints. The very nature of her being generates questions that serve as a "literary hook" not to mention the questions of "Who is her target?" and "Why?"

This is a superbly constructed first chapter.

[HaruHau-Chan]

Great detail! I love the way you describe the character. It's very easy to picture her. Some of your sentences are a little short though. They don't fit in as well with the longer detailed ones. Otherwise, it's great! Keep writing, my friend. ^^

[Taylor H.]

This was very interesting.
Im happy to say i saw no mistakes in this chapter :) great job!

[Brian L. Archambault]

A very good start for you to wrap around a challenge. For someone who just wrote her first science fiction novel. The chapter was really good.

[-K]

Oh my goodness! Where the heck was this story when I had an english Sci-fi essay due on any book of my choice! I usually am iffy when it comes to robots but your story is so intriguing. I like to think I kinda think like your robot in the story on a daily basis. Very good job. Me like ;)

[RIO]

Ahhh, this is amazing. Your descriptions are very immaculate and for someone that doesn't really read sci-fi, I understood it clearly and could picture it.
This reminds me of Matrix for some reason, you know, the computer and programming thing...
Very good, definitely reading on.
=D

[MuSe Ampoule]

Ooh, very nice. This character echoes in my mind and reminds me of Ghost in the Shell and Aeon Flux (original version). Very, very good!

[JuliePetunia]

Your imagery is so pristine, and the chapter itself seems so sleek with all your descriptions. I know this'll sound rather unintelligent, and middle-school-esque, but your story is badass!

[Faeshifter]

This piece is written very visually, however those visuals aren't wholly original. Very Matrix etc.
The language used, phraseology etc is very convincing, especially or maybe because of your age. Impressive.
There is a contradiction between the cyborg/humanoid and the narrator that jars the flow already, as though the narrator pities the subject.
e.g. There is no thought behind her action. No freewill to attain. It is enough to follow orders: silently, absently. She is possessed by a programmed nature.
The words are potent but they display the narrator's emotion and not the subject's.
The only thing that truly jars is the line "Only her crimson eyes---the deep pools of lethal mercury--- are conspicuous in the twilight."
Mercury is silver not crimson.

[Laura]

Wow! I love this first chapter. It has so much description in it and its just really good. Can't wait to read the next one :)