Then Come Talk To Me About Pain

When You Bleed From Every Pore

When You Know There;s Nothing More

When Your Heart Is Gone & Your Deserted By Everyone 

When You Cant Break The Chain 

Then Come Talk To Me About Pain

 

When Your Chest Is Hallow 

& You've Taken Everything You Can Swallow 

When Your Soul Screams For Release 

& Whats Left Of You Is A Beast 

When Your No Longer In The Spot Light Of Fame 

Then Come Talk To Me About Pain 

 

When Your Sure You Can Take No More

& Agony Knocks On Your Door

When Your Hurt So Much You Can Finally See

That It Was Never Meant To Be 

& There;s No One But Your Self To Blame 

Then Come Talk To Me About Pain

 

When You Have Nothing Left To Feel 

& You Have No Idea Whats Real 

When Whats Left Of Your Heart Is Dead

& Everything Is Going To Your Head 

When You Cant Help But Feel Shame 

Then Come Talk To Me About Pain .... !

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I love the theme and subject matter, I love the imagery depicted in the words, and how the refrain always stands for a reminder that true pain is nothing like a paper cut or spilled milk - no! True pain is much much deeper. Apart from the minor spelling/grammatical errors found here and there (which is fine), the main aspect that makes this poem fall flat is the musicality. The refrain in all its power and glory doesn't quite have a good lead up, particularly in the first two stanzas. In the second two it's a little better, although a bit wonky in a couple of lines. Musicality is a major factor in what makes a poem live and breathe- essentially what makes it dance- and if not choreographed well, all power within the words could be undermined. The refrain is powerful! And in order for it to retain that power and profundity, the musicality would ideally need to dance in such a way so that it allows the line to crescendo into the spotlight. This is really well written overall! Just needs some musicality tweaking (and grammar/spelling check, if you really want perfection). Well done!

[Franky]

This is nicely done. You express this pain and agony very well. There are a few grammar issues but this is a quality write.

[Alaska]

It was written two years ago or so, i'm sure i'm better now.
thanks tho, much appreciated

[Franky]

You are welcome. I don't even review unless something is good. Take care!

[Tasteless Heart]

Our written words can sometimes be our only comfort and solace in desperate times. Thank you for sharing.

[Alaska]

I beleive so too, it's like the paper may not talk back at least it won't judge.
Thank you for reading :)

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

I enjoyed your read. We definitely need a shoulder while crying out with pain. Then Come Talk To Me About Pain .... ! ahh amazing title.

[Alaska]

Thank you very much!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Your most welcome friend :)