My own anchor.

Her.....AGAIN.

Trust me, I don’t miss you anymore.

 

At least that’s what I tell myself to stay sane. I hate myself for letting you manipulate me, because all I feel is this void that I can't fill. I tried to distract myself in every way possible but somehow I keep letting you back in even though you're already gone.

I would have loved you forever, but you cut that short. You were all I ever knew. 

Sometimes I wonder if I ever really loved you at all. Maybe one day we'll be able to talk about it, but I feel that I'll crumble to the sound of your voice the same way I used to before.

The bitterness I feel burns holes in my insides and all I feel is numb. After so long I would expect myself to forget you �" not to even flinch to the sound of your name-, but I'm still weak.

Remembering you feels like a dream, a dream that I struggle to remember over sips of coffee that I wish could wash away faded memories of you.

Sometimes I forget that I miss you, but when I do… it hits me like a f*****g train. But honestly, I don’t miss you. I can't even look at you the same way I used to. I only miss my idea of you. The picture I painted in my head that I convinced myself was true. I lied to myself the entire time. But somehow I'm still in love with the same picture. It's all I have left of you. I guess that’s why I'm not over you. The only way I can bring myself closure is to be my own anchor, since you let my ship sink. Unfortunately, I still look for you in everything… and it kills me…