My Life of Pain and Suffering

in this you will see the things that have molded me into being Straight Edge and then how i found the love of my life, and how i rose above all the pain and hate, and found God.

My Life of Pain & Suffering

In the year of 1991 it was the 3^rd month into that year, in which I was given life my mother being pregnant with me gave birth to me on the 28^th of march and my father wanted to name me Damien and my mother would refuse with a counter name of Nathaniel she always told me my name had meaning in the lords eyes and that she picked it out of a love story, the main character was named Nathaniel. He was a cowboy and she loved the name, so then I was born being named Nathaniel Douglas Kunze, and being born in Michigan my life as I knew it would have a lot of pain and suffering and this is how it began.

The month of June 25^th is when it all really began for me that is, I mean my mother has had some rough spots in her life, which evidently affect me too, so here is her pain first.

On June 29^th of 1989 my older brother was born, I always heard he was such a happy baby, he rarely cried I do not know if it was because he knew he had a short life, or if he was just happy, I hope it’s the latter. But any ways he was born, my mother named him Steven Donald Ward, “Donald after my grandfather” then he died from SIDS “sudden infant death syndrome” when he passed away my mother was sleeping with my father at the time, and she had a nervous feeling and went to go check on him. That was when she came to the horrific realization that he was dead, how sad and hard it must have been, he suffocated at night, and he passed away on January 31^st of the year 1990. A year before I was born. A few months after she got pregnant were when Steven died. I sometimes wish that I would have met him before his death, but God wouldn’t allow it. And that I do not understand why I mean why kill an innocent kid like him. So happy

Now here is my story which is made of me and my mom and my ex best friends’ and my girlfriend.

in the year of 1992 my older sister Krystal was 7 years old and my father John Glen Kunze molested Krystal and probably my youngest sister Michelle she was born in 1992, but they do not know for sure, and the doctor told my mom, that he could of touched me, in the masturbation kind of way by fondling me. And my mother would press charges against him; he would spend like 18 years before he would get out. But here is my story when I got older, I was five and my mother worked at burger king as a manager and I got every Pokémon toy possible, man how my life was perfect inside my house. But now so good outside like at school, I was made fun of for being who I am liking Pokémon and dragon ball z, my favorite two shows at that time, I believe Pokémon came out in 1996 if I am correct that is when I got my first Pokémon game was yellow version making its debut in 1996 of the winter and I got it a few months after its debut and I played the hell out of it, then I went to school oh how horrible it was I regret school at that age. I mean I tried to stay to myself. But all the kids would mock me for being short and weak. I was pushed down a lot and my lunch would be taken away by this popular kid. And then when I walked home him and his friends would follow me when I walked by myself. They would throw dog s**t at me. And it smelled really bad. I cried so hard when I got home. My mom asked me what happened and my sister was laughing at me. And I told her but she just said ignore them, she should have helped but no. then I went back to deal with the same old s**t. When winter came it got worse because then they threw hard snowballs at me with ice in it, and left bruises. And I cried again not because of the pain, but because they would do something so horrible. I did however have one important relationship with another human being and her name was Nicole Williams. My mother’s best friends’ daughter she was a year younger, but we got along just swell she was my best friend we became inseparable and I would spend the night all the time at her house, I would be hanging with her and her older sister Jennifer and then her mom was a major alcoholic and that is when I first witnessed what alcohol does to people. I resented it, but my mom and her friend would smoke cigarettes and smoke weed. And I resented it because it smelled so, so, so bad. And then  I turned 10 with all the abuse at school and watching my mother just waste her life away, my older sister would later ruin more my life. By getting my mother addicted to substance drugs such as pills and then crack. Oh how when I first saw my mother smoking the crap was when I just got home from walking home and having more dog s**t thrown at me, but this time with some piss added in. ugh I smelled but I didn’t cry anymore I dealt with it then I walked past mom with a pipe in her hand was when I knew I was in for more pain. Then she got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and she was put on so many different pills, it ruined whatever mind she had left in her miserable life. Then she tried to commit suicide and I saved her when I came home to find her passed out on the living room floor. How sad it was I called 911 but she managed to keep us in the home from child services and then I was 12 when my mom kept smoking crack, then we got evicted out of my childhood home on bay ct. in Westland we moved onto a street called Alaska street. I would get up with a sore throat and I had a sickness called tonsillitis, where my throat would swell up so bad to the point I couldn’t breathe then my mom probably doing the only good thing and took me to children’s hospital and they removed it, then I went home and recovered and I spent time out of school. I felt better without them. But then I went into 6^th grade late due to my surgery but I made it and I was again subjected to more punishment in God’s eyes or at least that is what I thought he meant for me. I would cry in my room which I had to share with my younger sister Michelle and then I would ask God why doesn’t he help me he never answered of course I really do not think he answers any body’s but maybe he does in rare occasions.  Then I slowly slipped away from Nicole my first real friend she was sadly removed from her home. When I thought it would have been me and Michelle, but no oh well she was gone and I had no one left that accepted for who I was or at least till I found Jonathan Richard and then he left because of his father. And he was my best friend and then I met Shane potter and he became my brother or at least I thought he was. But no pain no gain right? “Laughs” I mean seriously why do I have to be subjected to such pain. Ugh I mean it sucks but then I was 16 when my mother finally lost me to the state because my sister Michelle lost her damn mind, are all of my female family member’s crazy. But she chased this fat girl down the street and then the police were called and she was sent to the nut house her and my mother have been their some many times I can’t remember. But I did leave out how many times my mother tried to commit suicide it was at least 13 times. Now that I think about it yeah it is 14 now since it happened again in the year of 2012 but back to the past, my life would change dramatically, I was place into a foster home, in 2007 and my foster dad’s name was Benjamin Williams and he would get drunk every night and he would abuse pills at the same time, he would get angry and abuse his two adopted kids Chris Williams and Jamie Williams and then I would run away and attempt to steal and then I was caught and was sent to jail, oh how un fun it was oh well I then was taken to a group home and I suffered their and then they moved me again to one called new directions and the name fits itself perfectly I suffered like never before being forced to go to a Detroit public school, and in the group home I would get jumped and my clothes were stolen and I would be beaten if I didn’t give this kid some money after I get back from my grandparents oh how it hurt. “Note that I did not mention the little things such as living with my grandparents at the time of my removal and then I went home to continue to go to JGHS and I was later removed again and put into that foster home” and then I finally found a way out of that hell hole of a group home, but this guy that worked there was my friend his name was Mr. May and he always told he knew and felt God had a plan for me, and that the things I would endure would lead me to his plan of my destiny at first I just shook it off as a joke, then he gave me a bible for my birthday and I read proverbs and psalms that is when my eyes opened up to God and I knew maybe Mr. May was right maybe God does have a plan for me, then I saw a way out I left to return to my old foster dads home. And then I was 17 at the time, I waited almost a year to return home. Then  before I turned 18 I ran away and returned home and went back to JGHS  and I was allowed an extra year thanks to my favorite teacher Mrs. Lynch and I went back in the fall of 09 not knowing it would lead me to the love of my life, my radiant gorgeous wifey.  Megan Constance Stonebraker. I met her my senior year in gym, that first day of school oh you know how it goes you just sit there and listen to the new school year rules and s**t but when I first walked into the gym I saw her beautiful eyes and my heart fell into my gut and I then realize I had fallen head over heels in love with this exotic radiant women, having the most beautiful smile and the most breathe taking eyes and I couldn’t stop looking at her, she at first didn’t notice me, I mean why would she bother I was ugly and my teeth were ugly. I know I have a rare acute gum disease but I didn’t think at all that she would notice me, but was I wrong and I was glad I was wrong. You have no idea how much happier I am with her, but now back to the story. It took at least a few weeks for her to notice me at all she then kept looking at me, and I kept looking at her, we then became good friends and I fell more, and more in love God she is my light, I would then mention I was graduating soon and she got sad and I added her Facebook.  And I told her I liked her so much and she got scared and ran away, for two years we were apart and she found me in two years and then we reconnected and fell madly in love with one another and we then started hanging out more and more and more. So then I met her mother Nell and her little sis Della and her aunt and nana. I felt like I belonged there. I was so happy they gave me a Christmas “Noted I did not mention any Christmas’s because they did not happen until now”

So then her mother and aunt got me a new bike for Christmas, God that made me happy and then all the pain would stop and go away I found my girl I knew I had what I had been asking God for, for so long and he gave me her and my life’s pain was lifted like never before and then it happened I kissed her by the sidewalk just to the right of her house and I hugged her like no tomorrow and we are now at 7 months and I cannot wait to say a year but it is like we have been dating ever since 09 right lol, with everything I have been through I found my peace in her my love, the one person who makes me happy with all my heart, thank you baby so much.

Now to introduce the ones I love that I forgot to mention my nieces Emily Ann May and Faith Marie Ward. So little and so smart and beautiful I love them so much, like they are my own I just hope they do not end up like their mother and worse. Since they are in for such a lonely life and pain filled one at that, but no matter what I love them.

Another important factor simba who I got from Nicole and her family as a puppy when I was little my mom sadly got rid of him and when our old family friend passed away I got him back, and he is my best friend. I love him so much. But this is my life there is more to this but this is all I will write that is important on I became Straight Edge and found my love and I rose above Hate and Pain and made it my own, through all of that I gained four most important things Emily and Faith and Megan and simba along with knowledge being the fifth.

If anyone reads this, believe in this and that you two can rise above Hate and go with love. Just remember that no matter how hard your life may have been or might still be just remember it is up to you to rise above the pain, and move on, find someone you can talk to rather it’s being raped and molested or being made fun of through bullying and being bullied. You can rise above it.

I know it must be too much for one person to handle but it is true, everything here is indeed true and accurate and real, live my life for one second before judging me. But I leave you with this, do not cuss in God’s name do not forsake him, do not miss treat women and hit them, say no to drugs and alcohol and weed and substance drugs such as pills and say no to sex unless you and the other women love one another in God’s name, remember to always talk to him, just know you are not alone and that he will suffer with you. Here is a quote I love

Foot prints in the sand.

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

...Mary Stevenson

Author's Note

please do not critize this for this is what i have been through. thanks