Mother Nature

Adaptation of a lost piece.

I am
Woman
Child
Man
All
Everything
You see
Is me
The birds
The bees
The trees
The very
Air
You
Breath.

I am
Fire
I am
Ice
I’m the
Ocean
And the
Motion
The rolling
Of the hills
The whiskey
Sunsets
And the
Flower
Frills.

I am
Heaven
That you
Dream of
Hell that
You see
I’m the
Lover’s touch
That brings
You bliss
The lips
You kiss
That bring
You to
Your knees.

I am
The forgiveness
That you need
The sin that
You seek
The greed
The lust
And envy
That you
Breed
I’m your sloth
Your gluttony
Your pride
And your wrath.
I’m the
Temptation
Placed in
Your path
I am
Mother Nature.
 

Author's Note

This is the reconstruction of a piece I lost in the confusion of Charles deleting files from the cafe. While I remember some parts and others are in reviews, the ending is different from the original version. I did keep the seven deadly sins, but I was not sure how they original were placed and what wording I chose. Hope you guys enjoy the revised version as much as you enjoyed the lost original.

Reviews

[KUFU]

HOT!

I like this. This work skipped along when stating,

"I am
fire
I am
Ice
I'm the
ocean
and the
motion
the rolling
of the hills
the whiskey
sunsets
and the
flower
frills"

...then stomps when you write,

"I am
heaven
that you
dream of
hell that
you see
I'm the
lover's touch
that brings
you bliss
the lips
you kiss
that bring
you to your
knees." ...love the rhyme scheme of this 'stanza'

The structure of this piece also helps to keep the tempo insistent.
Nice!

[deeps]

I am
Heaven
That you
Dream of
Hell that
You see

I so loved thse lines here.
Such a truthful write you have penned.
I am really enjoying your writes.
They are simply amazing.
You apeak of truth when many are blinsighted by it.
I think your writes are wonderful.
I am hoping to read more by you.
Powerful writers like you intrique me.

[Kelley]

That was a cool poem! I like this piece and the way it flowed took me
by surprise. I never expected the ending and I love a story or poem
when it does that. Could be part of your woman group poems???
Great write Beth.

Kelley

[PianoandPage]

i love this piece too! i totally get this as a sister piece to father time. well i know it came first and all but.

the first person perspective is great. you have a real talent for tying up clever ryhmes. it flows so naturally and doesn't seem in the slightest bit forced. this style i think so far has totally seduced me. :)

one of my favorite images:
"the whiskey
sunsets
and the
flower
frills."

lovely.

[Jonathan Bryant Dean]

I am no beat poet, but I like this one.

It shows another side of Mother Nature

JBD

[Murphy]

This has a nice rhythm... I can feel it. I also agree that this would be nice to hear spoken. Have you ever used esnips (esnips.com)? You can record in mp3 format and add it to the content of the poem in writerscafe. Anyhow, nice work. Look forward to reading more.

[Glenn]

i could certainly imagine this with some drums behind it maybe even a little jazz. i once wrote a piece very similar to this but it was about love. This was a very nice piece though and the less you have to put into a line the easier it is to stay on beat because then its all about the pause and bringing emotion to the word.

[Lisa Verdon]

This is fabulous! I was thinking more of woman as I read it, though. We are multi-faceted creatures; that's for sure ;) The rhythm moves right on time. I love it!

[Angela Talbert]

I like this, I agree that it would be nice to hear spoken. Good job.

[Robert Luna]

I would love to hear this spoken. It flows like glass seamless and smooth, I could imagine this would be a powerful piece spoken. The capturing of the attention of your readers as it has.

Wonderfully Done!!!

[Poeticpiers]

Reminscent of the old bardic chants in praise of the creator, loved the whiskey sunsets