Classes Cancelled (First Draft of "Every Long Sip")

Now there's a title that one could interpret literally.

Me and my cup of java.

Caffeine in the P.M.

I shant forget that nebulous afternoon.

 

There or somewhere -

The breeze carried multitudes of leaves

Like a dishonest friend

Leading them astray

These leaves

Pointless and irreleveant.

 

Nowehere -

My heart's hope for the next sunrise

Blown away along with these vagabonds.

Gone for now.

 

The Bungalow.

Sedentary,

Mind ever fleeting.

Prospects of taking a shower.

Saddened by canceled classes.

Is there any hope,

My lovely cup of coffee?

 

Like a phantasm

Resembling some former lover

From the past

She appeared to me

Beyond my door ajar.

Then entrance

Jane,

In all her half-naked glory

A tiny shirt

And underwear

Those contours

Exuding nothing but perfection

As the lights from the living room

Splashed unto her

That glistening chestnut outline.

 

A rush of blood

A reverie of long-gone lusts

Surging to and through my brain.

A fantastic excitement

That only her borrowing my pen

Would culminate.

 

The absence of ulterior motives

Devastates me.

As my eyes remained on her body,

Devastation yet again

As she thanked me,

"Thanks for the pen, Lisa"

 Realization overdue.

 

Reviews

[Gandré]

this is a poem I liked a lot. Tis is imaginative and amazingly constructed. such a rush of blood in brain and venes and wide-open spaces.... you possess an unusual ability to write a poem using our feeling after the feeling while reading it. no man may earn his heart desire, lets first be brave to smoke and fire says evans. l liked and that's why may i say: (just because of perfection, in the 9th line there is a typo (irrelevant)

[Wunderlich]

I like the imagery in this piece. Good diction. Nice ending as well. Good write, dude.

[SM Davis]

You have a very similar style to someone I'm quite fond of.

The absence of ulterior motives
Devastates me.
As my eyes remained on her body,
Devastation yet again
As she thanked me,
"Thanks for the pen, Lisa"
Realization overdue.

superb!

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

"Like a phantasm
Resembling some former lover
From the past
She appeared to me
Beyond my door ajar."

Great descriptions!

[TL Boehm]

OK I smiled as I read this - knowing the destination - but I really loved those first few stanzas...that rambling bit before 'Enter the beautiful girl" - I found it dreamlike....tranquil.

[April Child]

You set the scene nicely with the images somehow emphasizing the feelings, a barrenness inside and out. Well done.

[Spoken]

Jane,
In all her half-naked glory
A tiny shirt
And underwear
Those contours
Exuding nothing but perfection
As the lights from the living room
Splashed unto her
That glistening chestnut outline.

i loved the imagery here. I really loved the last two stanzas. You've articulated so perfectly that well known scene of the someone crushing in school and getting excited at the simple acknowledgement of existence with a simple asking of a pencil and then the devistation when nothing comes of it. Very cool. I enjoyed this a lot!

[revenant21]

Very good write. I loved it.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Damn those fantasies we can only have in our minds... very interesting and creative write.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"The absence of ulterior motives

Devastates me."


This is so sad. i just hate it when that happens. Nicely worded.