Just a Little More Time

Frank? No that’s not my name. I’ve always had an identity crisis, but never like this. Thomas… no. I’ve always been able to get my name back; it usually takes time though and I’m in short supply of that today. But why? I know I have something important to do, but what that is I’m not quite sure of. People were walking passed me; giving me a smile and nodding towards me. Someone opened a champagne bottle and the sound sent me straight back into the Korean War. The sergeant was yelling at me; I can still here I’m saying, “Come on Bunnion, move your a*s!” Bunnion! That’s my name, or at least part of it. Oh I’m so excited. I had a stupid little smile on my face while I just sat there in my chair, but no one cared, least of all me. Now maybe I can remember what I’m supposed to remember now since I’ve already remembered my name. See, I always get it back, now comes the tricky part.

Why are there so many people here, especially people I don’t even know. An older lady was sitting next to me, but I can’t remember who exactly she is. She was holding my hand while we were both just sitting side by side, rocking together, enjoying the scenery. I leaned over to her and whispered, “You are the most beautiful young woman i’ve ever laid eyes on.” She looked a little surprised, but the smile lighted up both of our worlds. “You just really know how to make a young girl blush John.”

John? Yea I guess that would make sense, John Bunnion, It’s got a nice ring to it. “Why don’t we leave this place, hit the town and just be a couple of hooligans running amuck.” Again that smile ran across her face again just at the thought of that, but she frowned a little towards the end. “You know we can’t do stuff like that anymore and besides, we’re waiting on our grandkid to get here.”

That’s the thing I was doing today. Oh man, just a little time and everything comes back, but why do I feel like I don’t have very much time left? We both leaned back in our chairs and continued to watch the door. Strangers continued to walk past us, but we continued with smiles on our face. I get to see my grandkid today or tomorrow… some time in the future I guess. He is a busy boy he is. With school and a job anyone hardly has time. He’s also joining the marines too, so he’s got a lot on his plate. He said he’d come up before he left just to see us one last time, but it’s been a long time or maybe not, I can’t remember.

The clock continued to tick. The chairs continued to rock. The door continued to remain shut. Just a little more time perhaps, I’m sure he’ll be here soon. Just a little more time; It’s not like I’m going anywhere any time soon. Just a little more time.  

Reviews

[DB Heinemann]

I really love how I know as much the main character does in the beginning and how I get to go with him trying to figure out who he is and what's going on. That was really well written. And the underlying message- which I assume is to have a look in the life of a war vet with alzheimers and draw some sympathy- was played out well enough.

But I also think there's a lot to be developed here, too. Maybe going more into trying to figure out who his wife is and the memories with her, the kids they had, how they got to where they live now (which I'm guessing is a nursing home), etc. Really kind of repainting the life from scratch as he remembers it all and developing who is with the bits and pieces.

And I think the ending would hit harder if he forgot it all again, perhaps moving the champagne pop to the end and suddenly he's back in the war not sure what's going on and then he realizes he's back at home with some woman and he tries to remember but he just needs a little more time.

There's also a good amount of grammatical errors and sentence flows you might want to take another look at.