Idk what to call this yet

Have you ever let meat spoil? You know the smell, the hard hit punch it gives you when the overwhelming power of that stench invade your senses. Or how about when someone has neglected to bathe for about a week, maybe a month; you are aware of the tears that it brings to any who are sensitive to such things? Now imagine those two things combine into a wonderful and oh so elegant symphony and put them in a cave so they are allowed to mingle with each other.

That is only the first impression that comes to mind when I entered into the cave. Now, you must be wondering. Why am I, a seventeen year old boy, wandering around in some abandoned mine shaft all alone with little more than a flashlight? Well, that is a very good question and I will give you an answer when I figure it out.

The one thing I  can tell you though, is that I am doing this for a girl. Oh you should see her; her hair, her body, her smile, her… You know I just love it when your mind plays tricks on you and you start to hear things in the darkness. It could be a rat or it could be a ghost- no nevermind that, no ghost in here.

There it is again. I soft little knock, with an eerie afterthought of a silent whisper; if that makes any sense. I turned the corner and there was a long shaft that inclined downward at a slight degree, but there was something down at the end. I could not see anything, but at the same time I could. Something inviting, something tempting me to the other side. I know, let me go take a peek and see what is over there; never once has that been a bad idea for anyone who is all alone in a dark and abandoned cave.

I crept silently, like a ninja, using the darkness to stealthily moving toward my pray, with the flashlight on of course. The wall was surprisingly smooth with some pattern etched into the surface, but why should I care about that when there is something over there that feels not at friendly, but why not, I am going to continue on.

Falling, well I thought that this hall was perfect, but they were a couple inches off when designing the floor; so for a split second I tripped on air and thought I was plummeting to my death. I can tell you, your mind is your worst enemy when darkness is involved.

There was a rushing wind; a howling thunderstorm of silence. I felt the air change, but not a sound could be heard. I felt the air get colder; it became harder to breath, and then… all back to normal. What is going on; should I continue down this way? I know the answer, yes I should, why not?

There was a thud, a crack, a sharp whine of some structure that did not wish to yield. Falling, now I am falling. It was not a free fall, but the hallway turned into a stairless staircase and now I was sliding down without able to take grip of anything. When I reached the bottom, there was a thud, a crack, and I let out a soft whine as all of my organs settled back into place.

Before I blacked out, I could feel something. It was a warmth, but a cold heat. Something that was so cold, that is was a little comforting as my body became numb. Of course, this should not be alarming at the slightest? I dark shape toward over me. I heard a soft clink and clack of my flashlight catching up to me and when it finally reached the bottom, it illuminated the room I was in. The dark shape disappeared and I was all alone as I laid there. What have I done now?       

    

Author's Note

This is just something that I just now started on. This might never lead to anything at all unless I get some good feedback or I have more drive to finish it. It may lead to a long short story, or if I follow some of my other ideas for it, it could turn into a novel. Enjoy the read... or not.

Reviews

[Ana]

I love the title. To be honest I wouldn't expect such good writing to come from something titled "Idk" but you're reallly good. My english teacher would probably sing if he saw this kind of writing--it's super hard to impress him, so that's a compliment. Just a typo: "Pray" should be "prey"? The question makes it seem like this should be longer. You're really good!

[Caleb]

Thank you for the review, may I ask on where this typo is located?

[Caleb]

ok I found it

[May]

Its very well written, the sarcasm is on point, but its a little bit rambling with no clear idea where and how you are going to end it... which is what you said about the piece. :) But if I had to venture a guess, the confusion likely comes from not knowing how you're going to end it, so that reflects in the writing, making it a little muddled.
I've love to read it all once you get it all down, so finish it please. pretty please?

[Caleb]

I'm currently working on it right now, but Im still dealing with some stuff. I should finish soon.

[v_nashe]

This is what it felt like.:
ohhh this is good, wait no actually yeah it it.. Okay this is confusing.

It's like two voices fighting for control.like you have to consciously inject metaphors sometimes. So it comes of as forced. But the first half was brilliant

[Caleb]

The first halves of all my works are usually good and then it becomes a little forced as I just want to add length. Thanks for the read.