Practice

A man once said to me,

“To live, let your body be free.”

I said to him, “But why,

This shell is but to die?”

“You mistake me good sir,

Allow me to ensure

That you are a simple fool,

But to him, a useful too.

Don’t let this lead to anger,

For there, that lies the danger.”

What struck me dumb was

Next there came a fuzz.

Blurry my vision came,

Soon my body was lame.

A tingle filled by skin so

As though the wind softly blow,

A whisper came to ear

As my body lay in fear.

“You are mine and you

Are counted among the few,

But let this not dissuade

The ease that’s kept at bay.

Instead, reinstate today,

As sure as daylight’s ray,

You are not your own,

My power will now be shown.”

My head was now black inside;

In some other body it now resides.

I have no sense of time now and forever

No longer, is my body tethered.

To me there was no end in sight;

The present time was not a fright,

But memories are all I have

As tears came down without a laugh.

Author's Note

Hey guys, don't take this too seriously, I'm just experimenting with this type of storytelling. This isn't the full story and I have more to add, but I simply wanted to through this out there to get some feedback while I still work on it. If you guys like the way the story it unfolding then great; if you don't like then that's awesome, but please give any advice if I may be blessed with your insight.

Reviews

[Armistead Lindsey]

my only remark would be to focus less on the rhyme and more on what the story is trying to convey.

What struck me dumb was
Next there came a fuzz.

These lines held great deal of strength because they went further from the rigidity of the rhyme. - Yes they have an element of rhyme, but they are not as in your face about it, if you catch my drift...

apart from that - great writing!