Perfections Taunt

Must I shout to the hollow mountains

Like gushing streams of many fountains?

Must I plead to the empty hills

Like an empty, soulless shill?

Why do I seek out your good name;

Must I always fall short of fame?

Who’s to say your name is good

When all you are is simple cud?

I never understood this endless feud

With all my thoughts have now been queued.

Everyone is put to a pointless hold;

Until I find this answer to bold.

Why do you still linger here;

Have you yet another tear?

To only add another drop

In a pool you’ve already topped.

I always admired you from safest distance;

Must I now bend down for repentance?

Have I flown too high above

To burn these wings made out of love?

Have I never matched your quickened pace?

Or have I been tripped by my own lace?

I only want to land near to you

As I stand here, waiting for perfection’s cue.

Reviews

[streetrose]

This piece has potential, but at the moment seems long-winded to me. Many can go on for many stanzas to describe an emotion, person, or event, but it takes a talented writer to have the same effect with fewer words. Sense is more important than rhyme. This piece has great word variation, but trying reading this piece out loud to yourself to catch more mistakes.

[Caleb]

Don't worry, I am not ignorant to my own faults. In all honesty I only like a couple of the lines and that's about it. I don't really see much potential in this, unless I just rewrite it entirely. Thank you for the review, I always enjoy any criticism.

[LastMonth]

You're slowly becoming one of my favorite writers on this site. (In my extended 4 day period of being on it.)

You're talented, but your writing lacks a flaw that so many talented writers have.
It does not seem like you have it. The flaw I'm speaking of is thinking that you are smarter then the reader. You don't dumb down what you want to say. You don't set it up on a plate, you serve as is. And let everyone take their own meaning from it.

Back to the Poem at hand:
The line that I felt was the most powerful was '' Have I flown too high above''. For some reason it hit me hard. The doubt, that question packs a strong punch.

Great poem. Keep up the good work.
Would love to see you write an actual story. (Not that the poems you write lack plot!) Just to see what it will be like.

Thanks for the poem mate.

[Caleb]

I have written a couple of stories, but right now I'm in a poetry spell. Thank you for ranking me among your favorites, that means a lot. Going back to the "smarter than everyone else". I don't believe I come of as that in my writing; however I can see that in my comments and reviews, but I don't see how me thinking I'm smarter than everyone else correlates with serving things how they are and allowing others to take their own meaning. These may be separate points, but I may also be confused. Again thank you so much for your comments and reviews. The only reason I keep writing is because of them.

[LastMonth]

No no no no.
You got it wrong.
You got it really wrong.

''You're talented, but your writing lacks a flaw that so many talented writers have.''
I said that you -lack- the flaw. Laaack. As in you don't have it. I see it in many writers. But not in you.

I hope it was clarified.

[Caleb]

Ok now it makes a little bit more sense, thank you for clarifying.

[Chenin Marie]

I liked the ode to Icarus towards the end. Still unsure of what perfection is, besides something that is desired but essentially unattainable since everyone has a different opinion on what perfect is. Still a great write and fun read. You are talented, keep writing!